Old People Jokes

Sonny, Got Any Viаgrа?
An old man goes into a pharmacy, asks for two Viаgrа pills and demands that the pharmacist cut them in half. The pharmacist winks at him, "OK, but do you realize they won't be as effective?" The old man says, "Listen sonny, I'm 80 years old. I don't want them for sеx. I need them for getting me hard enough so I don't рее on my shoes."

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An old woman walks into a s*ex shop, shaking.
"Sir," she asks in a shaky voice, "do you sell vibrators?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"And are they this big around and this long?" she asks in a shaky voice. "Yes, ma'am."
"And they're $22.95?" she asks in a shaky voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
"How do you turn them off?"

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Gross Jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Old People Jokes Masturbation jokes

Two old ladies are at the movies.
"Psst," says one old lady. "I think the guy next to me is beating off."
"What makes you say that?"
"He's using my hand."

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Gross Jokes Old People Jokes

An old couple is on a walk, when a рigеоn flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head.
"Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper."
"What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Animal Jokes Old People Jokes Couple jokes

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go.
The first little old lady had a sтrоке, the second little old lady also had a sтrоке, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.

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Gross Jokes One-Liner Jokes Old People Jokes

A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home.
While sitting in her new room, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. After a while, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" She replies, "It's pretty nice - except they won't let you fаrт."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Nurse jokes Fart Jokes

Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet.
His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him. When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher anticipates he'll say, "аss" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet. Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats - big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"

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Gross Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Animal Jokes Old People Jokes

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"
The old woman replies shyly, "Depends... ."
"Depends on what?" he asks.
"On my bottom - where else?!"

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Flirt jokes

There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman stripped nакеd, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. Her husband yelled, "You can't go out like that!"
She replied, "I can go out as whatever I want, and so can you!"
He agreed. He took off all his clothes and tied a string to his реnis with a potato at the end of the string.
His said, "You're going out as that?"
''Yes,'' said the old man. ''If you can go out as a sour-рuss, I can go out as a dictator."

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Gross Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Halloween Jokes Couple jokes

A guy walks into a bar and announces that he can close his eyes and name what kind of alcohol he is drinking and how old it is, just by taste and smell.
A drunken guy at the bar says, "I bet I can give you a drink that you can't name."
"You're on," replies the guy, "as long as you pay."
So the drunken guy puts a drink on the table. The guy sips it, gags and spits it out. "This tastes like рiss!"
"Yeah," says the drunken guy, "now guess how old I am."

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Bar and Bartender Jokes Gross Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Old People Jokes

Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."
Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."
Mother: "Yes, you do."
Victor: "Give me one good reason."
Mother: "Because you're 34 years old, and you're the principal."

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Old People Jokes College jokes

An old woman goes to the doctor's office. The doctor gives her a checkup and says, "I need to do stool, blood and urinе tests."
The woman says, "Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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Office and Work Jokes Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' mama so old, I told her to act her age and she died!

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Yo' mama so old, her social security number is two!

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Yo Momma Jokes One-Liner Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' Mama is so old, she dreams in black and white.

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' Mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince.

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Yo Momma Jokes Food Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' Mama is so old, she calls her waterbed the Dead Sea.

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes Old People Jokes

Yo' Mama is so old, she has sour cream in her воовs.

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Yo Momma Jokes Insult Jokes Old People Jokes Boob Jokes

Yo' mama so old, I slapped her on the back and her тiтs fell off!

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Yo Momma Jokes Old People Jokes Boob Jokes