School jokes, Teacher Jokes

I told my crush at school, "If you love me, come wearing red tomorrow." The next day she came in wearing black! When she dropped her pen and she веnт over to pick it up, I got a look up her skirt at her red thong.
Moral of the story: she really loves me underneath it all.

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An airplane was about to crash.
There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes.
The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die."
So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die."
He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sасrifiсе my life and let you have the last parachute."
The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes School Jokes Money jokes USA Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Stupid Jokes Aviation Jokes American Jokes Superhero Jokes American Presidents Humor

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent,
"An Angel brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy.
"Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the angel brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.

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School Jokes USA Jokes

Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Ramu: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Ramu: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

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School Jokes One-Liner Jokes Science jokes

Your mama so old she sat next to Моsеs in the second grade.

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Old People Jokes Religion jokes School Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture.
Of course, he made sure to pick on his student.
"And who is known as the father of modern economics?" the professor asked.
"I don't know," the student said.
"Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Wilson, you would know," said the professor.
"That's not true," the student replied.
"I never pay attention anyway!"

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College jokes School Jokes Business jokes Student jokes

Q: What's the difference between a book and a teacher?
A: You can shut a book up but you can't shut a teacher up.

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Vulgar jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too.
Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks.
There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd.
The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.
"Because I am not an American."
"Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?"
"I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl.
The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian.
"Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too."
The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a моrоn, and your dad was a моrоn. What would you be then?"
A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."

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Kids Jokes Sports Jokes School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dad Jokes Stupid Jokes American Jokes

When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

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Chuck Norris Jokes School Jokes

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
"Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may being plowing."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."

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School Jokes Car and driving jokes Student jokes

Two small boys met during their first day at school. "My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Tommy," replied the second.
"My daddy is an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.
Tommy replied, "My daddy is a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Billy.
"No, just the normal kind," replied Tommy.

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Lawyer Jokes School Jokes Kids Jokes Business jokes Old People Jokes Dad Jokes

Mr. Smythe had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed them how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time.... "Class," he said, "my name begins with the letter 'M,' and I pick up things....What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

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Science jokes School Jokes

I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

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School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes

A teenage girl come home from school and asks her mother,
"Is it true what Rita just told me?"
"What's that?" asks her mother.
"That babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?" said her daughter.
"Yes it is dear!" replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and that she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.
"But then, when I have a baby," responded the teenager, "won't it knock my teeth out?"

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Dirty jokes School Jokes Baby Jokes

A teacher asked, "Johnny, can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny responded, "Drin-king, smo-king, and f*c-king."

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School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

Little Johnny's Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.
He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.
Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Chemistry Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that the poor guy has tried practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sеx with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took our advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully, he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, fuскing beautiful!'"

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Marriage and Family Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes Beauty Jokes Communication Jokes

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.
Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

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