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An economist is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy. An econometrician is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy.
Talk is cheap. Supply exceeds Demand.
Bentley's second Law of Economics: The only thing more dangerous than an economist is an amateur economist!
Berta's Fundamental Law of Economic Rents.. "The only thing more dangerous than an amateur economist is a professional economist."
Definition: Policy Analyst is someone unethical enough to be a lawyer, impractical enough to be a theologian, and pedantic enough to be an economist.
Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
Q: How has French revolution affected world economic growth?
A: Too early to say.
Q: What do economists and computers have in common?
A: You need to punch information into both of them.
Q: Why does Treasury only have 10 minutes for morning tea?
A: If they had any longer, they would need to re-train all the economists.
Q: Did you hear of the economist who dove into his swimming pool and broke his neck?
A: He forgot to seasonally adjust his pool.
NATURAL RATE OF UNEMPLOYMENT: Newlan's Truism: An "acceptable" level of unemployment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Q: Why did the market economist cross the road?
A: To reach the consensus forecast.
Q: What does an economist use when calculating constant-dollar estimates?
A: Deflator mouse
Q: How many Chicago School economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb needed changing the market would have already done it.
Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends on the wage rate.
Q: How many conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.
Q: How many B-school doctoral students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'm writing my dissertation on that topic; I should have an answer for you in about five years.
Q: How many investors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the market has already discounted the change.
Q: How many Keynesian economists does it takes to change a light bulb?
A: All. Because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand to the right.
Q: How many marxists does it take to sсrеw in a lightbulb?
A: None - the bulb contains within it the seeds of its own revolution.
When drawing up the guest list for a dinner party, inviting more than 25% economists ruins the conversation.
Economics is the painful elaboration of the obvious.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven plus or minus ten.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Irrelevant - the light bulb's preferences are to be taken as given.
Q: What's the difference between an economist and a befuddled old man with Alzheimer's?
A: The economist is the one with the calculator.
Q: What's the difference between economists and businessmen?
A: The first don't keep their feet on the ground; the latest use to keep their four feet in the ground
Given 1000 economists, there will be 10 theoretical economists with different theories on how to change the light bulb and 990 empirical economists laboring to determine which theory is the *correct* one, and everyone will still be in the dark.
Q: Why did God create economists?
A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.
Q: What does an economist do?
A: A lot in the short run, which amounts to nothing in the long run.
Two economists meet on the street.
One inquires, "How's your wife?"
The other responds, "Relative to what?"
To an economist, real life is a special case.
Q: How many economists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Eight. One to sсrеw it in and seven to hold everything else constant.
Economists have forecasted nine out of the last five recessions.
When an economist says the evidence is "mixed," he or she means that theory says one thing and data says the opposite.
Econometrics is the art of drawing a crooked line from an unproved assumption to a foregone conclusion."
Q: Why has astrology been invented?
A: So that economy could be an accurate science.
I just got invited to my first high school reunion. I want to show up as the first thing I wanted to be when I was younger. Wouldnt that be cool if you showed up, and everybodys like, Hey, hows it going, Nick? Yeah, its me, Bob, remember? Yeah, Im a real estate agent now, and Ive got my own company. Jims a lawyer, and hes got his own firm. So, what are you doing? I am a ninja. I rule the night.
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor, on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonalds and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-through plastic folders, drop him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade. You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
8. Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
9. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it- I mean it! As soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
10. Listen to the other side.
11. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
12. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the course, the university, and the world at large.
13. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
14. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor.
15. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, is truly worthwhile.
16. Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel 26.
17. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
18. Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
19. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
20. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
21. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
22. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well-lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
23. Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of it.
24. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
25. Lie face down on the floor and scream at the top of your lungs.
26. Leap up and write the paper.
27. Type the paper.
28. Complain to everyone that you didn't get any sleep because you had to write the paper.
The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "George, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I’m in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But George," she said gently, "don’t you see how silly that is? It’s true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don’t want a child."
"Oh, don’t worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I’ll use a rubber."
Little Johnny was heard by his mother reciting his homework: "Two plus two, the son of a вiтсh is four; four plus four, the son of a вiтсh is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a вiтсh!"
Johnny shouted his mother "Watch your language! You're not allowed to use the swearwords."
But, Mom, replied the boy, "That's what the teacher taught us, and she said to recite it out loud till we learned it."
Next day Johnny's mother went right into the classroom to complain.
"Oh, heavens" - said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four."