School jokes, Teacher Jokes

I got in trouble during high school for маsтurватing in the showers.
Apparently it completely ruined the trip to Auschwitz.

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A sеамаn meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea.
The sеамаn notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The sеамаn asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"
The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks.
Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the sеамаn.
"What about your hook"?
"Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords.
One of the enemy cut my hand off."
"Incredible!" remarked the sеамаn.
"How did you get the eye patch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously.
"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

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School Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Sailor Jokes Stupid Jokes Pirate Jokes

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.
Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its bum
and turned its wool to nylon.
Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gаy.
Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.
Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it’s black and crispy.

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School Jokes Funny Poems

A farmer is walking with a prospective buyer when they see a beautiful pig in the yard, except it has a wooden leg. The buyer asks, "Why the wooden leg?" The farmer replies, "That pig is so smart, I let it drive the kids to school."
"Great, but why the wooden leg?"
"The pig is so smart it has a degree in horticulture and philosophy."
"Amazing! But why the вlооdy wooden leg?"
"Well when you have a pig that smart you don't eat it all at once!"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Philosophy Jokes

A college student picked up his date at her parents home.
He’d scraped together every cent he had to take her to a fancy restaurant.
To his dismay, she ordered almost everything expensive on the menu. Appetizers, lobster, champagne. . .the works.
Finally he asked her, “Does your Mother feed you like this at home?”
“No,” she said, “but my Mother’s not looking to get laid.”

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Dating Jokes Restaurant Jokes

I was asked by my teacher, "What was Adolf Нiтlеr's book called?"
Apparently, Adolf Нiтlеr and the Gas Chambers of Secret wasn't the correct answer.

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School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Hitler Jokes

Failed my biology test today:
They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?"
Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

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School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes Biology jokes

An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.
The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes."
Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Little Johnny Jokes USA Jokes Police Officer Jokes

I don’t want to go to school,” said a son to his father.
“Why not,” asked the father.
“I don’t feel well.”
“Where don’t you feel well,” the father asked.
“At school!”

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School Jokes

In the beautiful world of fantasy, holding hands is the first sign of true love.
In college it means someone is too drunк to stand on their own.

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School Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes College jokes Beauty Jokes Love Jokes

In anatomy class at medical school, suddenly one of the dead bodies sat straight up!

The instructor said, “OK, who said Abra-Cadaver?”

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School Jokes College jokes

Teacher: Shamu, go to the map and find North America.
Shamu: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, Ramu, who discovered America?
Ramu: Shamu!

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School Jokes USA Jokes

Peter: What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?
Ted: What?
Peter: A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”

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School Jokes

Yo mama is so sтuрid that when a teacher told the class nobody is perfect, he replied, "I want to become nobody!"

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School Jokes Yo Momma Jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes

TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon?
Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night.

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School Jokes Australia Jokes

Tyrone' s 1st day in the first grade he comes home crying. When his mother ask why he replays . The teacher told us to say our abc' s and all the little white boys could say them and I could only get to e why is that. Mom says cause u black and they white. Next day Tyrone is crying again . What's wrong today Tyrone his mother ask. Tyrone said teacher told us to count to 100 and all the little white boys did but I could only get to 10 why is that. Mom says cause u black and they white. Next day he comes home smiling. What happened today Tyrone. Tyrone says mama we went to the bathroom and my thing was biggest of all . Is that cause I'm black and they white. Mama says no Tyrone it's cause u 17 and they 6

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School Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Old People Jokes Black People Jokes

Me wee Oyrish Mum yanked me out of Med School immediately upon learning that the boy and girl students had to share a single curriculum.

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School Jokes College jokes Single People Jokes

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

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School Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Business jokes

A Pakistani boy took admission in an American school...
Teacher:
"Whats your name?"
Boy:
"Nadir"
Teacher:
"No, now you are in America, your name is Johnny from today."
Boy went home and his mother asked:
"How was the day Nadir?"
Boy:
"I am an American now, so call me Johnny."
Mom and Dad both got offended and beat him up. Next day he was back to school all bruised...
Teacher:
"What happened Johnny?"
Boy:
"Ma'm, just 6 hours after I became American, I was attacked by two Pakistani terrorists."

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School Jokes USA Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Dad Jokes American Jokes

Teacher and her 3 boy students:
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 1: “I saw a strap of your вrа.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one week.”
Boy 2 laughed…
Teacher: “Why did you laugh?”
Boy 2: “I saw your вrа straps.”
Teacher: “You are punished to stay out of school for one month.”
Teacher веnт down to pickup a chalk. Boy 3 started walking out of the class…
Teacher: “Why are you leaving?”
Boy 3: “I think my school days are over.”

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School Jokes Dirty jokes Student jokes