Sick Jokes, Illness Jokes, Death Jokes

Q: Hey, what's the jew doing in the ashtray?
A: Family research.

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They say sеx is a killer...
Do you want to die happy?

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Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Flirt jokes Communication Jokes

Q: Did you hear that the travel agency NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN offers the flights over the Bermuda Triangle?
A: Mostly is the trip successful for the first time, max. for the second time. Very popular is also the camping in tents near the shore of the river Nile.

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Travel and Tourist Jokes Business jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Animal Jokes

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?
Teacher: 502.
Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?
Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!
Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.
Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door
Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?
Teacher: let me guess the lion?
Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.
Teacher: WOW!
Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?
Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?
Student:The gators are at the party.
Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?
Teacher:She drowned?!
Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

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Sports Jokes School Jokes Animal Jokes Aviation Jokes Fitness jokes Student jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Stop making 9/11 jokes, my father died in a plane crash
Best pilot in Saudi Arabia

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Aviation Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Pilot Jokes

Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sеx will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

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Sex Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Three men were in heaven discussing how they died.
The first man said, "I died in a car accident."
The second man said, "I died by drowning."
The third man said, "I died of seenus."
The first two men asked, "Do you mean sinus?"
The third man said, "No, I mean SEENUS. I was out with my best friend’s wife and he seen us!"

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Sex Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Just found out that my Asian friend died last week...
So Yung.

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Asian jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What's the best way to talk to a velociraptor?
A: Long distance!

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Dinosaur jokes Communication Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

A recent widow was crying to a grief counselor. “We were married twenty-five years before he died,” she said, dabbing away a tear. “Never had an argument in all those years.”
“Amazing,” said the councilor. “How did you do it?”
“I outweighed him by forty pounds and he was a coward.”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

– “Dad, how do stars die?”
– “Usually an overdose.”

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Drug Jokes One-Liner Jokes Dad Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: How do you know that a dead body found by the side of the road is a nurse?
A: Because its stomach is empty, its bladder is full, and its аss chewed!

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Sick and Death Jokes Gross Jokes Nurse jokes

It’s interesting to know that in Australia on average you are twice as likely to get killed by a terrorist than by a cricket ball.

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Australia Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

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Old People Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Walking down the street, a man hears a voice:
"Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and кill you."
The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him.
The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.
The voice shouted, "Stop! If you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die."
The man stood still; a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "Where the hеll were you when I got married last week?"

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Car and driving jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: Did you hear about the Hungarian who thought his wife was trying to кill him?
A: On her dressing table he found a bottle of "Hungarian Remover".

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Sick and Death Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

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Jokes about Women Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Three rednecks were working up on a cell phone tower: Соотеr, Ronnie and Donnie.
As they start their descent, Соотеr slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.
As the ambulance takes the body away, Ronnie says, "Well, shucks, someone should go and tell his wife."
Donnie says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.
Ronnie says, "Where did you get that вееr, Donnie?"
"Соотеr's wife gave it to me," Donnie replies.
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you вееr?"
"Well, not exactly", Donnie says.
"When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Соотеr's widow."
She said, "You must be mistaken. I'm not a widow."
Then I said, "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

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Sick and Death Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes Beer Jokes

John and Bob were inseparable childhood friends.
One night, they both died in a terrible car accident.
When John woke up in heaven, he began to search for Bob but could not find him anywhere.
Very distraught, he ran to St. Peter and said, "St. Peter, I know Bob was killed in that accident with me, but I can’t find him!"
St. Peter said, "My son, I am sorry to tell you Bob didn’t make it to Heaven."
This upset John so much that St. Peter agreed to let him see Bob one more time.
St. Peter parted the clouds and John saw Bob sitting in hеll with a keg on one side and a beautiful buxom blonde on the other.
John looked at St. Peter skeptically and said, "Are you sure I’m in the right place?"
"My son," St. Peter said, "looks can be deceiving. You see that keg of вееr? It has a hole in it. You see that woman? She doesn’t!"

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Friendship Jokes Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Beer Jokes