Work Jokes, Office Jokes

A woman heads to the doctors office for her usual checkup.
While there, the doc notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of an H and inquires about it, "Oh, my boyfriend likes to wear his Harvard sweater during sеx."
The next day, another woman comes in, for a checkup.
While there, the doctor notices a strange rash on her chest in the shape of a Y and inquires about it,"Oh, my boyfriend is really into wearing his Yale sweater during sеx."
The next day, another woman comes in, again, for a simple checkup.
This woman too has a rash on her chest, and the doctor, catching on with the trend, asks,"So, Does your boyfriend go to Wisconsin?"
The girl replies, "Nah, but my girlfriend goes to Michigan."

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A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding.
As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning?
Is it my face?”
“No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”

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Police Officer Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the вiggеr say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"

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Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.

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Student jokes Office and Work Jokes School Jokes

Whats long and Black??
The KFC line.

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Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

The young accounting graduate, fresh out of uni and knowing everything, applied for his first job.
The prospective employer asked him what starting salary he was looking for.
"Oh, around $100,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
"Well, how does this sound? Five weeks annual leave, 22.5% superannuation, paid expenses to overseas conferences every year, home telephone reimbursed and a company car replaced every 20,000 kilometers, say a Mercedes convertible."
The graduate sat up straight and tried not to look excited.
"Wow. Are you kidding?"
"Yeah. But you started it."

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Management Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Accountant Jokes Graduation Jokes

A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill.
However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick.
So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car.
He informs her of his dilemma.
"Hey Jill, I have a problem."
"Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks
"I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?"
"Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"

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Management Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Masturbation jokes Boss Jokes

Two police officers stopped a guy for speeding on the province highway in Mississauga, Ontario.
As they were writing up the ticket, one oficer turned to the other and said: "How do you spell Mississauga?"
The other one replied: "I don't know."
So the first one said: "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, it will get dismissed."
The second oficer said: "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Toronto?"

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Police Officer Jokes Office and Work Jokes

A new army computer is put through its paces.
An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armory?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’
The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’
The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’

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Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

A mugger stops a guy on the street at gunpoint.
"Give me all your money", he says.
The muggee isindignant.
"You can't do this," he yells. "I'm anIRS agent."
"In that case," says the mugger, "give me all MY money."

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes

A boss said to his secretary,
"I want to have sеx with you, but I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said,
"Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself."
She agrees. After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks,
"So what happened?"
She responds,
"The ваsтаrd used coins, so I'm still picking it up and he is still having sеx with me!"

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Dirty jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Sex Jokes Management Jokes Secretary Jokes Boss Jokes

A government is doing really bad and is very likely to lose the election.
So they gather the cabinet to deal with the situation.
"Guys we do not go well, we will lose power, we will lose everything. We need to do something" the prime minister said.
A minister pops up and says: "We will redecorate! We will change desks, chairs, sofas, floors, curtains, everything will be changed."
The others also agree and start to make plans.
So sometime later, the maid comes inside, and she sees them so upset all working hard making plans, and says: "What about you guys, What is going on?"
"We do not go well as government and we are changing the decoration" they reply.
The maid shrugs tentatively.
"Why do you react like that?"
"What can I tell you guys" she answers. "Before I came here for work, I used to work in a brothel. And when business didn’t go well, we did not change the furniture, but the hookers."

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Political Jokes Office and Work Jokes Life Jokes

Q: Why did the programmer quit his job?
A: Because he didn't get arrays.

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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.
The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Phone jokes

An internal auditor for a manufacturing group was concerned about anomalies in stock levels.
He thought someone might be pinching stock but he couldn't prove it.
He had his eye on one shifty-looking individual who every day drove his old truck out of the factory with the load covered by a tarpaulin.
Time after time the auditor stopped the bloke, made him remove the tarpaulin and then inspected the load.
On every occasion, there was only scrap metal in the truck which the driver said he was taking to the tip.
On three occasions the auditor made the bloke remove the tarpaulin and then unload the scrap in front of him, suspecting that there might be stolen stock hidden underneath.
Nothing.
He could never find anything amiss.
After a few months of this, the auditor was offered a better job elsewhere and resigned.
A few weeks later he was drinking in a pub when the shifty character walked in. On an impulse, the auditor went up to him and said, "Look, I've left the company, I'm not interested in taking it any further and I won't stop you, but I just have to know. What were you taking?"
And the bloke said "Tarpaulins."

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Accountant Jokes Office and Work Jokes Communication Jokes

Walking into a lawyers office, a man asked what his rates were.
"Fifty dollars for three questions," the lawyer stated.
"Isn't that awfully expensive?" the man asked?"
"Yes," replied the lawyer. "What's your third question?"

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Judge and Court Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Men jokes Lawyer Jokes

I came here to do 2 things: work on my math skills.

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Science jokes Office and Work Jokes Math Jokes

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside.
The Pastor said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service."

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Religion jokes Office and Work Jokes Christmas Jokes Church jokes Friendship Jokes Christian Jokes Easter Jokes Military Jokes

A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, "We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hеll."
"How do I know which to choose?" She asked.
"That's easy," said St. Peter. "you have to spend a day in each place before making a decision."
With that, he put the nurse on an elevator and sent her down to hеll.
The elevator doors opened and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her.
She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times.
That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant.
She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy.
Before she knew it, her day in hеll was over and she returned to heaven.
The day in heaven was okay.
She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp.
At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision. "Well, heaven was great and all," the nurse said, "but I had abetter time in hеll. I know it sounds strange, but I choose hеll."
With that, she got in the elevator and went back down.
When the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth.
Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks.
When the devil walked over, she said to him, "I don't understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking."
The devil smiled and said, "Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you're staff."

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Nurse jokes Office and Work Jokes Friendship Jokes Heaven And Hell Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Restaurant Jokes

A little boy was pushing a heavy cart uphill with a lot of effort.
The work was very tiring, so someone walking nearby felt pity and helped the little boy push the heavy cart until the end of the hill.
He stopped indignant there and told to the child:
"You should say to your boss that it is a shame to make a kid such hard work to do."
"I told them, sir."
"Well, what did they reply?"
"Pull kid and some sucker will be there to help you."

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Business jokes Office and Work Jokes Kids Jokes God Jokes Boss Jokes