Psychology, Psychotherapy, and psychiatry jokes, Shrinks Jokes

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What's the difference between a loan and a psychologist?
The loan eventually matures and earns money.

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Pavlov's dog to his ladyfriend: "See that! Everytime I salivate, Pavlov smiles and scribbles something in his notebook."

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Омg! Psycho. The Rapis. Psychotherapist is one word! One word !!!

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Psychologist: All dreams have a meaning My dreams:

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What | if told you You the read first line wrong ? Same the with second line And also the third...

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When you make a joke in front of your psychologist, and they start writing it down instead of laughing

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Terapist: Lets start by talking about something you have in common. Husband: Neither of us suск diск

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Why is it called “prayer” when I talk to God but “psychosis” when God talks to me?

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Therapists when they see a girl with blue hair walking in:

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How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it really has to want to change.

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How do two psychiatrists greet each other?
''You are fine, how am I?''

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How many psychologists do you need to change a lightbulb?
Hm, and how many do YOU think?

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A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

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My psychologist told me not to keep things bottled up so I went home and drank all my wine.

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In a psychiatrist’s office:
A man comes in and says,
“Good day to you. I am King Arthur. I demand to Speak with the doctor.”
The nurse says wearily,
“You are not King Arthur, Mr. Crankleberry. Please sit down.”
Mr. Crankleberry exclaims,
“I am! It was God himself who told me I am King Arthur.”
Another patient stands up angrily,
“I certainly did not!”

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