School jokes, Teacher Jokes

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular

It seemed that all our appliances had broken in the same week, and repairs were straining our budget. So when I picked up the kids from school and our Jeep started making rattling sounds, I decided that rather than burden my husband, I’d deal with it.
When we got home, the kids rushed right into the house with the news. "Daddy, the Jeep was breaking down, but Mom made the noise stop!"
Impressed, my husband asked,
"How did you fix it?"
"I turned up the volume on the radio," I confessed.

0

0

In a beauty school, if someone misses their final exam, do they get a "make up" exam?

0

0

“Gud luk 2 evry1 gettin ther resultz 2moro”
Thank you - I can tell you your English result already if you want.

0

0

Four guys are at a high school reunion and one of them goes to the restroom.
The other three guys start talking about how succesful their sons are.
Guy 1: My son is so successful he owns a cardealership and just gave his best friend a Ferarri.
Guy 2: Thats nothing, my son owns an airliner and just gave his best friend a private jet
Guy 3: Well my son is more success than that, he owns an architecture firm and just gave his best friend a castle
Guy 4 walks out of the bathroom and walks over to the other 3 guys
Guy 4: Hey guys what are we talking about
Guy 1: Oh, we are talking about how successful our sons are
Guy 4:Well, my son is a Gаy stripper
Guy 2: You must be so dissappointed with what he's done with his life
Guy 4: Actually, he is doing very well for himself. He just got a Ferrari, a jet, and a caste from his three boyfriends.

0

0

The Feron psychiatric hospital was also a teaching and research institute. Today marked the first day of a new semester. After the students arrived in class, Professor McDoogle introduced herself. She then said,
"Please take out a blank sheet of paper and write down you’re deepest thoughts concerning this question: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?"
The students seemed to be rather puzzled and some even started to giggle a little bit. This was swiftly ended by a stern word from the teacher explaining this paper would result in a third of their grade. She went on to say it may be the most important object lesson they’ll ever learn during their education process. Realizing this was serious and must hold profound meaning far beyond the questions exterior. At this the students began to bare down and search for a solution with great veracity.
Forty five minutes later the students were producing pages of written dialog. Each thought seemed to pose deeper and more complex avenues of discovery as their quest intensified in epic proportion. Just then an orderly poked his head into the classroom.
"There you are, Mrs. McDoogle, we’ve been worried about you. I see you’ve been switching class room numbers again!"

0

0

Watson walks in on Sherlock having sеx with a younger looking girl.
“Вlооdy hеll, Sherlock! What’d you think you’re doing bangin’ that chick. She looks like she’s in high school!”
Sherlock replied, “Elementary, my dear Watson.”

0

0

The population of America is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 20 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing TERRORISTS !!
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your аss,
At your computer, reading jokes..

0

0

On the first day of school, the kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the classroom asked,
"How will that help?"

0

0

At school, this class was having a small quiz contest based on general knowledge. The teacher asked a boy from the read team a riddle."What am I? I am long on men, short on boys, and hairy." The boy blushed. "Miss, I'm too shy to say it..."
"Oh come on! Just say it, it's not even embarrassing!" Replied the teacher.
"Okay.... It's... A реnis.." Said the boy.
The teacher slaps him. "Idiот! It's a hand!"
The whole class laughs.

0

0

My son came into the living room really sad and said, “dad, school is so difficult, I fell like I’m not getting anywhere.”
“Son” I said, “you have to work hard for everything in this life. Nothing is just handed to you and unfortunately thats the way it is. Now if you don’t mind, there about to call out the lotto numbers.”

0

0

All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.

0

0

A high school student is in the counselor’s office. “So tell me, what things interest you?
“I’d like to cut people open and run my fingers through their liver and heart!”
The counselor chuckle and after a long pause says, “Well, I guess that means you’ll either be a surgeon or psychotic killer. Tell me more about yourself.” The student paused for a minute and said; “Well, to start with, I’m never wrong.” “Other people adore me and do exactly as I say…or if they don’t, they should.” The counselor smiles and says; “Surgeon it is!”

0

0

We need to stop teaching our children to sing the alphabet.
It took me 5 years to realise that ‘Elemeno’ wasn’t a letter.

0

0

Bully: You're ugly, Why do you even bother coming to school.
You: I'm sorry i don't wake up every morning just to impress you.

0

0

I see that in the US they’re complaining about halal meat. They want their meat to be killed the American way… but, honestly, what are the chances of a соw enrolling in high school and being shot by a classmate?

0

0

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

0

0

A college coach had recruited a top talent, but the player couldn't pass the school's entrance exam. Needing the recruit badly, the coach went to the dean and asked if the recruit could take the test оrаlly. The dean agreed, and the following day the recruit and the coach were seated in his office.
"Okay," the dean said. "What is seven times seven?"
The recruit mulled it over for a moment, then said,
"I think it's 49."
Suddenly the coach leapt to his feet. "Please, Dean," he begged, "give him another chance!"

0

0

What do you call a stoner who is completing their PhD?
A Hypothesis

0

0