School Jokes

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Government planed to implement Sеx Education in school.
School authority wanted to send our George’s wife Lucy for special training course in Sеx Education.
Lucy:
“No Sir..! I don’t want to take part in that course.”
Principal:
“No..! But why ..?!”
Lucy:
“Somebody told me yesterday.. The Final Exam will be Оrаl!”

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About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep.
No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"

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Scientists have discovered that some fish have реdорhilе tendencies.
Specifically, the ones that swim outside the school.

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Little Johnny's dad drove Johnny to boarding school and leaves him there. For the following week however, Johnny misses school.
When Johnny returned to school the next week the teacher asks Johnny why he had missed class for a week. Johnny replied that his dad passed away and he had to attend to his funeral.
The following week, Johnny's dad comes to visit Johnny at school and was directed to Johnny's classroom. While at the door, Johnny's dad knocks and says “Excuse me sir, I am here to see my son, Johnny. I am his dad."
Teacher surprised and confused asks, "Are you Johnny's real dad? I thought Johnny's father had passed away?" Johnny's Father is confused.
The teacher realized what was going on. So he quickly turns to the class and calls out “Johnny, your dead father is here to see you."
Johnny's heart beats faster and he grows small, but looks up to the teacher and whispers "How the heck did he came back alive."

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My chemistry class had a party
My teacher brought some avocados, about 6.022x10^23 of them, for the guaca-mole.

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A teacher asks his pupils, “Can anyone tell me the difference between constructive criticism and unnecessary nastiness?”
Little Johnny puts his hand up.
“One is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments.”
“Very good, Johnny,” says the teacher. “And the other?”
“Your mum’s a сunт.”

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I was in sеx education class when the teacher pointed at the diagram and asked, “What is this called?”
I put my hand up and answered, “That’s a мingе, Miss Stevens.”
She rolled her eyes, and replied, “Give me a medical term, please.”
“Oh, sorry,” I replied. “That’s a мingе, Doctor Stevens.”

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In demonstrating the division of powers within the government, the teacher used the family structure as an example.
One boy stood up and said, “It looks like my mom’s the president then, because she veto’s everything.”

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My female science teacher was gloating about how scientists have discovered a way to make stem-cells develop into working sемеn.
She was telling our class that the human race no longer needed men.
I laughed at her and said;
“Okay, with no men, where the fuск are you going to get a scientist?”

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Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass?
Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

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Philosophy 201
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam…
After a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board:
“Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist.”
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
A week later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words:
“What chair?”

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Classroom Nerd
(In a high school class room)
Girl: Do you see that [email protected]#$ING nerd over there.
Teacher: Don't be so mean, he could be your boss one day.
Nerd: Sorry I don't plan on being a pimp

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A physics student asked her professor to describe what happened right before the Big Ваng...
.... But the professor couldn't, because there was no time.

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I went to a middle school dance back in the day.
It was kinda lame, looking back on it. The music was bad, they ran out of food, and there wasn’t even a punch line.

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Jack was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him. The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.
"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Jack asked
"Oh man... I've been transferred to California," the other guy answered, "there's crazy people in California and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest сriме rate..."
"Hold on," Jack interrupted, "I've lived in California all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."
The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said,
"Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"
"Me?" said Jack, "I'm a tail gunner on a bread truck."

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What do you call a nerd after highschool?
Boss

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The other day, my Physics teacher said I had so much potential...
Then he pushed me out the window.

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My Spanish teacher taught me the word for "Transgender"
I asked him if the word is masculine or feminine

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