Technology

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Did you hear about the music app that is preloaded on every iPhone 6 plus?
GarageBend.

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Years ago Chuck Norris set up a simple little home network and gave it a name.
It's called the internet.

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The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.

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Backwoods High Tech:
Backup - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods.
Bug - The reason you give for calling in sick.
Byte - What your pitbull done to cousin Jethro.
Chip - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in.
Terminal - Time to call the undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - Female Disco dancer.
Fax - What you lie about to the IRS.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bubba's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after 17 beers.
Modem - What you do when the grass gets too high.
Mouse Pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scooping up a big fish before it breaks the line.
ROM - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Keeps mosquitoes off the porch.
Serial Port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
SCSI (pronounced scuzzi) - What you call your week-old underwear.

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PlayStation network was never hacked.
Chuck Norris just decided to play one day.

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How many programmers does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
None, that's a hardware problem.

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Q: Why was the blonde afraid to have phone sеx?
A: Because the соndом wouldn't fit over the phone.

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There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner.
It's like it wasn't even designed for women.
How can I be expected to work under these conditions?

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I just saw a mexjcan guy walking down the street with a tv and I thought " wow, that looks just like mine." but I knew mine was at home shining my shoes.

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A blonde is on holiday and she wallks into an internet cafe to send an e-mail to her mum in America.
She doesn't know how to work the computers so she goes up to the guy on the desk and says:
"Excuse me could you help me send an e-mail to my mum?"
The guy says "Yeh, but it will cost ya"
And the blonde says "Sure i'll do anything for my mum"
The guy says:
"In that case follow me"
So she follows him into the back room and he pushes her down onto her knees, he unzips his trousers and pulls down his boxers and says:
"Well go on then you said you'd do anything!"
So she picks up his diск, holds it to her mouth and says:
"Hello.........mum are you there?"

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Chuck Norris can get satellite cable from a Skoal can.

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Chuck Norris round house kicked the xbox and made the xbox 360.

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Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy.
"Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy.
"I cheated you.
The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no.
Take it," said the second guy.
"I saw the five o'clock news too.
I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

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Q: How do you know when a blonde's been sending email?
A: There are envelopes in the disk drive.

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Only Chuck Norris can dislike on Facebook.

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Chuck Norris logged on MSN through the display of washing machines.

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Chuck Norris can play PS3 games - on PS1

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How do you know if a blonde has been playing with your Xbox 360?
The joystick is wet.

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