Animal Jokes

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A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge on the tenth floor of a skyscraper.
The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such nice day, I decided to walk."

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A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit.
They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said "Oh I know."
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked a bottle.
She poured it on the rabit and they both got in the car.
Suddenly the rabit got up hopped a little bit and waved, hopped a little and waved, hopped to the top of the hill and waved.
Then dissapered over it.
The husband just stared at his wife and said "Honey, what did you pour on that rabit?"
His wife just said "Hair Restorer with a permanent wave."

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What goes "oom... oom"?
A соw walking backward!

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What is a snake's favorite subject in school?
Hissssstory.

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What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A bird that will talk your ear off!

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One simply cannot play fair and win in a zoo - there are way too many cheetahs.

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Q: What do you call a соw with a twitch?
A: Beef jerky.

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A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
"Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever yo do to that poor, defenseless creature I shall personally do to you."
"In that case," said the boy, "I'll kiss it's вuтт and let it go."

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Chuck Norris can fall up.

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Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.

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Q: What's worse than ants in your pants?
A: Uncle.

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Teacher:
"If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny:
"A bad blatter issue."

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What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkysaraus.

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Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

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Chuck Norris is so powerful that when he goes fishing, the fish are so scared they drown.

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If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

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I have got a new dog.
We have trained together for two months and imagine, after these two months I was able to reach him my paw and managed even barking around on command.
My dog can be proud of myself.

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A man started to town with a fox, a goose, and a sack of corn.
He came to a stream which he had to cross in a tiny boat.
He could only take one across at a time.
He could not leave the fox alone with the goose or the goose alone with the corn.
How did he get them all safely over the stream?
He took the goose over first and came back.
Then he took the fox across and brought the goose back.
Next he took the corn over.
He came back alone and took the goose.

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