Kids Jokes

Newest jokes in this category

One day a man lied down on a nudе beach. Little Johnny comes up to the man, points to his реnis and asks what it was. "Oh, that's my birdie." said the man. "Oh." little Johnny replies. The man fell asleep. When the man woke up, he found himself in the hospital. He looked around to find little Johnny at his bedside. "Hey kid, what happened?", asked the man. "Oh," says little Johnny. "I tried to pet your birdie. It tried to spit water at me, so I cracked it's eggs and burnt it's nest."

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Dirty jokes Little Johnny Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes

Remember kids if a stranger offers you drugs. Say thank you, because drugs are expensive.

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Kids Jokes

I think that Mario Kart's Rainbow Road is just training kids for drunк driving later in life.

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Kids Jokes

Swag is for boys.
Style is for men.
Class is for gentlemen.
But TRIX are for kids.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes

What do you call a black man playing in a pile of leaves?
Raisin Bran

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Men jokes Kids Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Black People Jokes

A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says:
"Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."
Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."

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Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Holiday Jokes

Shut the fudge up. You little astronaut. What the helicopter are you doing? You son of a batch of cookies.
That's how you cuss a kid out.

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Kids Jokes

Q: When is a door sweet and tasty?
A: When it’s jammed!

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Kids Jokes

You Know You Are Out of College When:

- Your potted plants stay alive.
- Sleeping in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
- You have to pay your own credit card bill.

- Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
- "Extended childhood" only really pertains to your salary which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
- "Twenty-something" means over-qualified, under-paid and not married.

- Jeans, flannels and baseball caps aren't staples in your wardrobe.
- You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
- You stop confusing 401k plan with 10K run.

- You go to parties that police don't raid.
- You don't know what time Wendy's closes anymore.
- Your car insurance goes down.

- You refer to college students as kids.
- You feed your dog science diet instead of taco веll.
- Half your conversations with current college students start with, "When I was in college..."

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Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes Science jokes College jokes School Jokes Dog jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Insurance Comedy

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time and asked his dad, "Why doesn't the stork recognize me?"

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Kids Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Animal Jokes Dad Jokes

I hope your good with kids cause im about to make your mouth a daycare center.

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Kids Jokes Dirty jokes

Children:
You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

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Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes Baby Jokes

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

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Kids Jokes Animal Jokes Dog jokes

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world.
Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

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Kids Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Food Jokes Hairdresser Jokes

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Zany
Zany who?
Zany body home?

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Knock-knock jokes Kids Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes

The mother loved the picture frame her five-year-old son bought her for Mother’s Day.

She found a photograph of him and replaced the cat photo that came with it.

The son then became upset. "Why are you putting a picture of me in there? I bought you the picture of the cat!"

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Kids Jokes Mother's Day Jokes

A girl was given a tea set for her second birthday. It became one of he favorite toys, and when her mother went away for a few weeks to care for her sick aunt, the toddler loved to take her father a little cup of tea, which was just water really, while he was engrossed watching the news on TV.

He sipped each "cup of tea" he was brought and lavished generous praise on the taste, leaving the little girl immensely proud.

Eventually the mother returned home and the father couldn't wait to show her how his little princess had been looking after him. On cue, the girl took him his "cup of tea" and he sipped it before praising it to the heavens.

The mother watched him drink it and said:
"Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

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News and Politics Jokes Kids Jokes

A farmer is walking with a prospective buyer when they see a beautiful pig in the yard, except it has a wooden leg. The buyer asks, "Why the wooden leg?" The farmer replies, "That pig is so smart, I let it drive the kids to school."
"Great, but why the wooden leg?"
"The pig is so smart it has a degree in horticulture and philosophy."
"Amazing! But why the вlооdy wooden leg?"
"Well when you have a pig that smart you don't eat it all at once!"

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School Jokes Kids Jokes Food Jokes Animal Jokes Philosophy Jokes

Sing to the tune of Macarena
Sitting in my house, and I know that I’m alona,
Feeling kinda hоrny, got a jingle in my bona.
Go and grab a Penthouse it’s the one with Sharon Stona.
Hey Masturbata!!
I go a little faster and it’s feeling kind of nicea,
Once ain’t enough so I have to do it twicea.
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advicea.
Hey Masturbata!!
I use some baby oil or a little Vaselina,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet cleana.
Never shake my hand cause you don’t know where it’s beena
Hey Masturbata!!
I do it in the car when I’m driving down the streeta,
One hand on the wheel and the other’s on my meata.
I can’t get out the car cause I’m sticking to the seata.
Hey Masturbata!
Since I was a kid I have been a Masturbata,
Choke the chicken, hum the кnов, squeezing the tomata.
I’ve looked at Ms. November now I’n gonna decorate her.
Hey Masturbata!
Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacona,
Pounding on the flounder and it’s mayonnaise I’m makinga.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achinga.
Hey Masturbata!

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Kids Jokes God Jokes Funny Poems Masturbation jokes

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

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Kids Jokes One-Liner Jokes