Women - Page 21

A man goes to a psychologist and says, "Doc I got a real problem, I can't stop thinking about relations."
The psychologist says, "Well let's see what we can find out", and pulls out his ink blots.
"What is this a picture of?" he asks.
The man turns the picture upside down then turns it around and states, "That's a man and a woman having relations."
The psychologist says, "Very interesting," and shows the next picture.
"And what is this a picture of?"
The man looks and turns it in different directions and says, "That's a man and a woman having relations."
The psychologists tries again with the third ink blot, and asks the same question, "What is this a picture of?"
The patient again turns it in all directions and replies, "That's a man and a woman having relations."
The psychologist states, "Well, yes, you do seem to be obsessed with relations."
"Me!?" demands the patient.
"You're the one who keeps showing me the dirтy pictures!"

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A man was strolling along a beach in California.
On giving the sand a kick he struck a corked bottle.
He веnт down, picked it up and removed the cork.
Immediately, a Genie came out of the bottle and said to him, "Master, I have been a prisoner in this bottle for a thousand years and now you have set me free. For that, I will grant you one wish."
The man thought for a moment then said, "I always wanted to go to Hawaii but I am afraid to fly and I get sick on a ship. Could you build a highway from California to Hawaii?"
"Master, that is a difficult wish to fulfill. Can you think of something that is more practical?"
The man thought for a moment and said, "Could you tell me why women are the way they are?"
The Genie thought for a moment before replying, "Would that be two lanes or four?"

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Genie jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Prison Jokes

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital.
The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urinе sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample."
The old man says, "What?"
So the doctor says it again.
Once again the old man says, "what?"
So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINЕ SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"
With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

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Old People Jokes Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes

Q. How are fат girls and mopeds alike?
A. They are fun to ride but you don't want your friends to find out.

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Friendship Jokes Fat Jokes

Q: Why did God invent yeast infection?
A: So women know what it feels like to live with an annoying сunт.

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Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes God Jokes

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

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Kids Jokes Jokes about Women

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company.
There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright, but after a few months he gets lonely.
The pig starts to look more and more attractive, soft, pink flesh, round buttocks.
But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg.
Very frustrating.
One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious.
He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health.
Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him "Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don't know how I can ever repay you. I'll do anything for you, anything, just name it."
The guy thinks for a minute and says, "Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?"

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Jokes about Women Food Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes Nurse jokes Dog jokes

Two guys die in a car accident and an angel descends from heaven.
"I am to give you your wings so you can fly to heaven.
But if you think one dirтy thought or act out one dirтy act your wings will fall off."
So they fly to heaven without any trouble but when they get there the first guy sees a nакеd woman walk by so his wings falll off.
When he bends over to pick them up the second guy's wings fall off.

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Car and driving jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

A plane is descending rapidly from the air, and the passengers are all scared stiff.
Suddenly a women near the front of the plane stands up and takes off her shirt.
She proceeds to yell, "Is there a man on this plane that can make me feel like a REAL woman before I die?!"
She continues to yell this for about ten minutes before a man in the very back takes a stand. He proceeds to say "Yeah I can make you feel like a woman."
He then takes off his shirt and throws it towards her and says, "Here! Iron this!"

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Aviation Jokes Jokes about Women Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Q: What's the difference between a whоrе and a вiтсh?
A: A whоrе fuскs everybody and a вiтсh fuскs everybody but you.

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Vulgar jokes

A woman wants everything from one man.
A man wants one thing from all the women.

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Men vs Women Jokes Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes

While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.
The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Customer service jokes Phone jokes

A man sits on a bus looking ashamed. The man next to him notices and asks what is wrong.
He says that when he went to buy the bus ticket, the woman serving him had the most unbelievable вrеаsтs, so he got flustered and asked for two tickets to Tittsburgh instead of Pittsburgh.
The man next to him laughs, "Don't worry about that. We all make Freudian slips. This morning I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say, 'Pass the salt,' but I accidentally said, 'You f**king вiтсh, you ruined my life.'"

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Men jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Life Jokes

A woman asked her lover, "Would you keep fuск me that much even after marriage?
He replied, "Sure dear, if your husband had no objection."

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes

A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful nакеd woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"

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Science jokes Jokes about Women Math Jokes

Three women are about to be executed for crimes.
One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around.
She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde has figured out what the others did.
The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

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Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women

I like my women how I like my laptop. Sat on my lap, turned on & completely virus free.

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Dirty jokes Jokes about Women Computer Jokes

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that вееr contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of вееr and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

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One-Liner Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Science jokes Beer Jokes

A man who just died is taken to the local mortuary.
He is wearing an very expensive and high quality tailored blue suit.
The mortician is a blonde female and she asks the wife of the deceased man wife how she would like the body to be dressed.
The motician says that the man does look very distinguished in the blue suit he is already wearing.
His widow, however, says that she always preferred her husband in black, and that she would like him in a black suit.
She gives the blonde mortician a signed, blank cheque and says, "Spend whatever you need no matter what the cost, but please have my husband in a well tailored black suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the viewing and to her delight, her husband dressed in a fabulous black suit.
The suit fits him as if it were tailor made.
She says to the mortician, "You have done a magnificent job and I'm very pleased and grateful. How much did the suit cost?"
To her amazement, the blonde mortician gives her back the blank cheque.
"There's no charge," she says.
"No, really, I must repay you for the cost of that exquisite black suit!" she says.
"Honestly," the blonde says, "It cost me nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husbands size was brought in yesterday shortly after you left, he was dressed in a very attractive black suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a beautifully tailored blue suit instead, and she said it did not make any difference as long as he looked good..."
"So I just swapped their heads."

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, “Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vаginа!”
The other asked, “What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vаginа? Let me go see.”
Both of them went in the room with the woman, and they both curiosly looked.
Finally, the second man said, “You idiот, this ain't no shrimp it's a сliтоris.”
And the other man replied, “Well, it tasted like shrimp to me.”

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes