Blonde Jokes

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Q. What's a blonde's idea of safe sеx?
A. Locking the car door.

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How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
Cum.

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There was a blonde, bernett and a red-head on a broken ship. it takes two miles to get to shore, so the bernett swims 1 mile and drowns the red-head swam 1 mile and got eaten by a shark then the blonde swam 1 mile got tired and swam back

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Q. How do you teach a blonde math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.

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A blonde goes to a football game. The quarterback starts running with the ball and she chases him yelling "I want my quarter back!"

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The authorities in America conducted a survey to ascertain why they did not receive many emergency calls from blondes. After exhasted studies the answer is "They can find the nine but cannot find the eleven"

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A man had called a local paint company and asked if they had anyone who could come over and do some painting that day. The company sent a blonde right over to do the job. The man meet the woman at the front door and asked her how much she would charge him to paint his porch. She stated that she would charge him 25$. He thought to himself "what a deal" since his porch was a long wrap around. The blonde also added that she would be done by the end of the day. The man thought to himself, "this is too good to be true!" and left for work for the day. When he arrived home he noticed that his porch didn't even have a drop of paint on it. He went around the back and shrieked in horror as he seen the blonde putting the last bit of green paint on his new firebird. "what did you do to my firebird!" shrieked the man. ".... Firebird?" questioned the blonde. "... And all this time I thought it was the porsche"

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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette:
"I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:
"What is a B and C?".
Brunette:
"Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead:
"And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender:
"What's a G and T?"
Redhead:
"Gin and tonic."
Blonde:
"I'll have a 15."
Bartender:
"What's a 15?"
Blonde:
"7 and 7"

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What's the difference between a lеsвiаn finger-fuскing a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's...

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How are blondes like postage stamps?
You liск'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way.

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A nun, a priest, an Irishman, a Scotsman, a rabbi and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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Q: How did the blonde die raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

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A blonde finds a lamp with a genie inside. He says, "I will grant you three wishes."
The blonde says, "For my first wish, I want my love handles to disappear."
The genie replies, "Your wish is my command."
The blonde exclaims, "Holy shiт! What did you do with my ears?"

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It was a really hot day and this blonde decided she would go buy a coke. She went to the coke machine and when she put her money in, a coke came out - so she kept putting money in.
And since it was such a hot day, a line had formed behind her. Finally, a guy on line said, "Will you hurry up? We're all hot and thirsty!"
And the blonde said, "No way. I'm still winning!"

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Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: I don't know, and neither does she.

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Say What Again?
Did you hear about the blonde who didn't catch the joke?
It went over her head!

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We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier.
Just as the feature was about to start a blonde woman from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.
"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said,
"Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?"
"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just flashed up on the screen and mine is out in the car."

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A blond a, a brunette and a redhead were at the top of a cliff looking down at the beach.
Suddenly a genie appears to them and says "I will grant you each one wish if you'll jump off the side of this cliff."
So the redhead jumps off and shouts "Seagull" and turns into a seagull and flies away.
Then the brunette jumps off and shouts "Whale" and turns into a whale, falls into the sea and swims away.
Finally the blond runs towards the cliff edge, but trips at the last second, as as she falls she shouts out "Shiт"

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