Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.

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Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.

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God created Adam, Adam saw Chuck Norris, Adam created tears.

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Sometimes when Chuck Norris stares at the stars too long they get scared.
These are known as black holes.

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Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.

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When Chuck Norris was a kid, he wanted to see if you really could кill two birds with a stone.
Let's just say that's why birds fly still south in the winter.

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Chuck Norris does not eat.
Food understands that the only safe haven from Chuck Norris' fists is inside his own body.

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Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.

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Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.

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Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.

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If Chuck Norris movies were in 3D, the audience would be dead.

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The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real. It's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

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Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.

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If Chuck Norris were president, he would protect the secret service.

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Chuck Norris teaches math to solve its own problems.

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Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

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Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

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People have near-death experiences. Death has Near-Chuck-Norris experiences.

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