Chuck Norris

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Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.

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In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states "All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris' records."

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Chuck Norris can win tic-tac-toe in one move.

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Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

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Jesus is the son of God.
God is the son of Chuck Norris.

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Chuck Norris favorite pick up line:
"Now"

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When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

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When Chuck Norris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.

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Micheal Jordan to Chuck Norris: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Chuck Norris: (laughs) How do you think the earth spins?

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When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

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Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard. They are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.

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Chuck Norris can choke you to life.

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Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.

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Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar... the вееr starts to run.

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Chuck Norris never reads the News – because Chuck Norris IS the News.

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When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.

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In an official mandate, 'Walker, Texas Ranger' DVD discs have been ordered to replace the armor plating in all bulletproof vests.

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