Computers

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The Creation of the PC
1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte.
And from those he created the Word.
2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed.
And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.
3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened.
And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places.
And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.
4. And God said - Let the computers be,
So there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and
Compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.
5. And there was no Software yet.
But God created programs; small and big... And told them:
Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.
6. And God said - I will create the Programmer;
And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers
And programs and Data.
7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center;
And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said
You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.
8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone.
He took a воnе from the Programmer's body and created a creature that
Would look up at the Programmer, and admire the Programmer, and love the
Things the Programmer does;
And God called the creature: the User.
9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the nакеd DOS and it
Was Good.
10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God.
And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any
Programs ?
11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program
And every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.
12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you
Did not even try?
The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God.
You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your
Mouse.
13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and
Easier to use.
And the User saw that any knowledge was useless since Windows could
Replace it.
14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer;
And said to the Programmer that it was good.
15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers.
And God asked him - What are you looking for?
And the Programmer answered - I am looking for new drivers because I
Can not find them in the DOS.
And God said - Who told you that you need drivers? Did you run Windows?
And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !
16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by
All the creatures.
And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell
Windows.
17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows
Will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to
Use lousy programs;
And you will always rely on the Programmers help.
18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User
You will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will
Have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.
19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and
Secured it with a password.
20. General protection fault
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DIRECTIONS for MICROSOFT TV DINNER
1. You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners.
2. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
3. If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes: mstv. Dinn.//08.5min@50%heat// Then enter:
4. If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner. Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted.
5. Remove the dinner from the oven and enter to be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your hardware vendor.
6. Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu items. 7. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to upgrade your equipment.
7. If you want another variety, call Microsoft Help and they will explain that you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you really need.
8. Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger family size.
9. Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However, that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get thrilled in advance.
10. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been defrosted anyway.
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