Computers

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Well the last time I Tweeted, I was disqualified because Twitter said it was a chirp!

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If you love someone, set him free.

If he comes back, I think we can charge him for re-installation fees, but tell him that he's getting an upgrade.

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What's the first symptom a computer is getting old?

Memory problems.

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Bully; NO comebsck ?
Nerd: i would have a comeback but all my сuмs in the back of your moms mouth.

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A really dumb woman tries to use her computer, but it wouldn't work. So she calls a computer repairman to come out and fix it. The computer repairman comes and looks at the computer. He notices that it wasn't plugged in, so he plugs it in. He starts up the computer and the woman was so overjoyed that she asks him what was wrong with the computer. He replied that it was an "I D 10 T error"

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A guy asked his very good friend if you could stop over to his place and spend a little time working on his computer.

His friend agreed and turned the system on. When he turned on the PC he had an unpleasant surprise.

He asked: ”Why is the display completely black?”

His friend answered: ”The PC is mourning his video card...”

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fake nails? fake hair?
fake personality?
are u sure u wernt made in china?

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In a software design meeting, we were using typical technical jargon to discuss a data exchange interface with a vendor.

One co-worker said the programming we had ordered was delayed because the vendor was suffering from a "severe non-linear waterfowl issue."

Curious, the team leader raised his eyebrows and asked, "What exactly is that?"

The programmer replied, "They don't have all their ducks in a row."

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Bill Gates teaches a kindergarten class to count to ten. “1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10.”

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Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection

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What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
Ask Boeing.

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How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.

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What do you call a creepy IT teacher…a PDF file

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Where did the software developer go?!
I don’t know, he ransomware!

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What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
“Stop it! It hertz so much!”

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New customer to Tech Support:
“It says, hit any key and when I do that nothing happens'.
Tech Support: Can you try again and tell me what happens?
Customer:
'Tried but nothing”
Tech Support:
“What key did you hit?
After a moment and some chick ling sound the customer replied: Well, first I tried my car key and just now my office key.

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The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said.
I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed."
"We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem"?
"A student told me," I answered.
"We'll send someone over right away."

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You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
Your computer when....
1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
Stop to check your email on the way back to bed.
2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
You just pulled the plug on a loved one.
3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
For the free internet access.
4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.
5. You start using smileys :
- ) in your snail mail.
6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
Processor. Com
7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
Computer.
8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
Depressed.
9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
Have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.
10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
Landscape.
11. Your family always knows where you are.
12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".
13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

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