Jokes about Cowboys and Indians

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Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for аss holes.

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There is the chief of Indians, and he is going down a field with his tribe, and they come across a pile of sh*t. So the chief asks his tribe men :
"Does this look like sh*t to you?"
"Yes is does", they replied.
"Smell it. Does it smell like sh*t to you", asks the Chief.
"Mmmmm.. Yes"
"Feel it. Does it feel like sh*t to you?", says the Chief.
"Mmmmm.. Yes"
"Liск it. Does it taste like sh*t to you?", inquires the Chief.
"Ammmm... Yes"
"Good. Don't step on it!"

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A cowboy and a rетаrd are sitting at home bored. The cowboy says," let's go down to the bowling alley and beat up niggеrs."
The rетаrd says ," OK ".
When they arrive , the cowboy sees five black dudes bowling. He goes over and starts beating their аssеs.
He stops and looks to see the rетаrd smashing bowling ваlls with a sledgehammer. He goes over and says, " hey... I thought we was gonna beat up niggеrs?"
The rетаrd responds, " yeah...you get the live ones, I'll кill the eggs ."

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North America, few hundred years ago.
An indian is sitting, smokes a pipe.
Breathes in, breathes out.
His son comes up to him:
Daddy, I have a question
Well, what is it?
Why do we have such long names?
Yankees, for example, have much shorter ones - John, Simon, Nicolas and similar.
Our names come from nature.
When your mother was born, there was a wonderful dew, so that is why she is called Fresh Dew.
When your sister was born, there was a brilliant sunset.
So that why she got the name Red Sunset.
So, do you have any more questions, Fuскing Bison?

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Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys.
The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hаrdсоrе.
The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and кill it by gorging its eyes out."
The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth."
Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his реnis.

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How can you tell the difference between an Indian and African elephant?
One of them is an elephant

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Why did the cowboy have sh*t in his mustache?
'Cuz he'd been lookin' for love in all the wrong places.

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Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.

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It was Saturday morning and Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season.
He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, “What are you up to?” Alice smiles, “I’m going hunting with you!” Jake, though he has many reservations, reluctantly decides to take her along.
They arrive at the hunting site. Jake sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: “If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I’ll come running back as soon as I hear the shot.” Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn’t bag an elephant - much less a deer.
But not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, “Get away from my deer!”
Confused, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, “Get away from my deer!” followed by another volley of gunfire.
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, “Okay, lady, okay! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!”

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10th - “Scattered f***ing showers, my аss!” - Noah, 4314 BC
9th - “How the f***did you work that out?” - Pythagoras, 126 BC
8th -”You want WHAT on the f***ing ceiling?” - Michelangelo, 1566
7th - “Where did all those f***ing Indians come from?” - Custer, 1877
6th - “It does so f***ing look like her!” - Picasso, 1926
5th - “Where the f*** are we?” - Amelia Earhart, 1937
4th - “Any f***ing idiот could understand that.” - Einstein, 1938
3rd - “What the f***was that?” - Mayor Of Hiroshima , 1945
2nd - “I need this parade like I need a f***ing hole in the head!” - JFK, 1963
AND …. drum-roll please ….
The Number 1 most appropriate time for using the “F” word ……
“Aw c’mon. Who the f*** is gonna find out?” - Tiger Woods, 2009

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Research shows these are the top US vacation destinations according to occupation:

Artists... Painted Desert, Arizona
Athletes... Olympia Heights, Florida
Candy Makers... Carmel, Indiana
College Professors... University City, Missouri
Ecologists... Green Bay Wisconsin
Firefighters... Smokey Mountains
Geologists... Stone Mountain, Georgia
Gossip Columnists... Grapevine, Texas

Helicopter Pilots... Hoover, Alabama
Home Builders... New Castle, Pennsylvania
Jewelers... Pearl City, Hawaii
Landscapers... Garden City, Michigan
Lawyers... Accident, Maryland
Loan Officers... Fairbanks, Alaska
Lumber Jacks... Thousand Oaks, California
Manicurists... Finger Lakes, New York
Optometrists... Plainview, New York

Pastors... Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Pianists... Florida Keys
Podiatrists... Arches National Park, Utah
Politicians... Dodge City, Kansas
Real Estate Salesmen... Loveland, Colorado
Refrigerator Repairmen... Chilum, Maryland
Retired Army Officers... East Point, Georgia
Sailors... Marina, California
Sheriffs... Marshalltown, Iowa
Tree Trimmers... Long Branch, New Jersey
TV Evangelists... Paradise, California

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While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation.
Cowboy: "Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
Indian: "Dog no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
Dog: "Doin' alright."
Indian:( Look of shock )
Cowboy:"Is this Indian your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )
Dog: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Indian:( Look of disbelief )
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Indian: "Horse no talk."
Cowboy: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Good."
Indian:( Extreme look of shock )
Cowboy: "Is this your owner?" ( Pointing at the Indian )
Horse: "Yep."
Cowboy: "How does he treat you?"
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
Indian:( Complete look of utter amazement )
Cowboy: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
Indian: "Sheep liar."

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On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football." And it was good. Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."
With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue. God said, "Let it be called, ''The Dallas Cowboys'' - America''s team." Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."So he made their fans.

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A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Sorry

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Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.

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Two cowboys are out on the range talking about their favorite sеx position. One says, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."
"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," says the other cowboy. "What is it?"
"Well, it's where you get your girl down on all four, and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around, cup her t*ts, and whisper in her ear, 'boy these feel almost as nice as your sisters.' Then you try and hold on for 30 seconds."

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With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year...
You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.
Happy Thanksgiving!

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A hunter saves an Indian chief being chased by a grizzly bear in the woods. The chief invites the hunter back to his camp to celebrate and reward the hunter for saving his life.
At the celebration, the Indian chief says to the hunter, "I have a special surprise for you: 500 of my prettiest Indian maidens. You look at all of them and choose one. She will be your wife."
The chief clapped his hands and 500 young, beautiful Indian maidens appeared, торlеss, before them. With closer inspection, the hunter notices that none of them have niррlеs on their вrеаsтs.
"Why don't these maidens have niррlеs on their вrеаsтs?" he asks the chief.
The chief turns to the hunter with surprise:"What - you've never heard of the Indian Niррlе-less 500?"

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