Jokes about Cowboys and Indians

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President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit the Methodist Church outside Washington. Karl Rove made a visit to the Bishop and said to him, "We've been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodists because of Bush's position on stem cell research, the War, and such. I'll gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon, you'd say the President is a sаinт."
The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and said, "The Church is in desperate need of funds. I will do it."
Bush pompously showed up that following Sunday, looking especially smug, smirking for his photo op, while strutting his way, cowboy-style, into the church.
As the sermon started the Bishop began his homily:
"George Bush is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite as well as a niтwiт. He is a liar, a cheat, probably still a drunк, and a low-intelligence sneaky weasel. He has lied about his military record, and then had the gall to put himself in uniform on a military jet, landing on a carrier, and then posing before a banner stating 'Mission Accomplished.'
He invaded a country for oil and money, all the while lying to the American people about the war, with nary a care for the thousands of lives it has taken and continues to take. He is the worst example of a Methodist I've ever personally known or known of. But compared to Diск Cheney, George Bush is a sаinт."

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Following the unloading of the cattle in stockyard, this cowboy headed to a restaurant for dinner. The only seat was next to a lady who looked wealthy and educated. He couldn’t help overhearing her order.
“I’ll have a вrеаsт of fowl, virgin fowl, make sure it’s a virgin, catch it yourself, garnish my plate with onions, a cup of coffee, not too hot, not too cold, and waiter, open the windows, I smell a horse, there must be a cowboy in here.”
Thoroughly рissеd off, the cowboy placed his order.
“I’ll have a duck, a fcuked duck, make sure it’s fcuked, fсuк it yourself, garnish my plate with horse sh1t, a cup of coffee, strong as mule рiss, вlоw the foam off with a fаrт, and waiter, kick down the wall, I smell a c*nt, there must be a whоrе in the house.”

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My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians
So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.

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I'm driving from Santa Fe to Albuquerque when I see an American Indian lying on the road with his ear to the ground. Curious, I pull over, walk up to him and ask, "Excuse me, what are you doing?" He says,
"Silver 1991 Chevy station wagon, one man, one woman, two children". I say, "Wow, you can tell all that just by listening to the road?" He says,
"Heck no, they just ran me over".

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What do Native Americans call vegetarians?
One who is bad at hunting

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A cowboy finds himself captured by a tribe of Native Americans…
Anywhooo, the Natives tell the cowboy since he is their enemy they must put him to death. But, as is their custom, they won’t do so until he has spent 3 nights in their camp and each night, they shall grant him a wish.
As the first day, he says “I wish to speak to my horse again”. They say fine and he goes and whispers something to the horse. The horse takes off running. A few hours later, the horse returns with a beautiful nакеd blonde woman. The cowboy takes the woman into the woods and makes love to her all night.
The 2nd day, he says “I wish to speak to my horse.” They say fine and he goes and whispers something to the horse. The horse takes off running. A few hours later, the horse returns with a beautiful nакеd brunette woman. The cowboy takes the woman into the woods and makes love to her all night.
The 3rd day, the Native’s tell him… “this is your last night alive, choose your wish wisely”
He replies…”Okay, I’d like to speak to my horse again.”
He goes over to his horse, but he is so fired up, he can’t whisper anymore and he screams at his horse “Dамn it….I’m saying Posse!!!!!”

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One day a little Indian boy went up to his dad who was the chief and asked him how do Indians get there names. His dad looked at him and said "when your brother was born I went out tepee and saw, soaring eagle so I named him Soaring Eagle. When your sister was born I went out tepee and saw raging river so I named her, Raging River." The dad then looked at his son and said, " Do you understand now Shiттing Dog"

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The Native Americans were surprised to be colonised by Europeans
No one expects the Spanish Acquisition

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A thousand years ago, a group of Native Americans tried to cross into Russia from Alaska but failed.
They couldn’t get their Bering Strait.

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A redneck is hiking through the woods with two Native Americans. They happen across a cave. one of the Natives yells, "Whoop! Whoop!"
Another voice calls from the cave. "Whoop! Whoop!"
The man strips nакеd and runs into the cave.
"What was all that about?" The redneck asks.
The other Native explains, "It's our mating ritual. A woman who is ready to mate will wait in a cave. If we come across a cave, we yell inside. If we hear a call back, we know we can go in and mate with her."
A few minutes later, they come across another cave. "Whoop! Whoop!"
"Whoop! Whoop!"
Without hesitation, the second Native took off his clothes and ran inside.
All alone, the redneck continued on his way. Eventually, he came across a very large cave. *There must be a large, beautiful woman in here!* He thought. "Whoop! Whoop!"
"Whoooop! Whooooop!"
*Wow, she's got a voice. Sounds like she's larger and beautifuler than I imagined!* He strips off his clothes and runs into the cave.
\--- The next day, the headline in the newspaper read:
Naked redneck run over by train.

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It was October and the Native Americans on a remote reservation...
Asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild.
Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught he old secrets.
When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like.
Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked,
"Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "We're sure it's going to be cold because the Native Americans are collecting firewood like crazy!"

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Two Native Americans were out hunting.
One of them kneeled down and put the side of his ear on the ground, after a few moments he sits up and says "Buffalo come."
His friend is impressed and asks "How do you know?"
The other answered. "Sticky ear."

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Group of Native Americans are sitting around a campfire A young brave asks the others, "When will I be given a name?"
"When you distinguish yourself in the tribe," answers Thundering Buffalo.
"Then the elders will recognize you with a name," says Rides By Moonlight.
"It is the proudest moment of a young brave's life," says Silent Wolf.
"Eh, it's overrated," says Shiтs In Breechcloth.

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Did all Europeans give Native Americans smallpox on purpose?
Or is that a blanket statement?

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Since reddit has been all about native americans lately..
An Indian and a cowboy are walking through the prairie one day.
The Indian stops and puts his ear to the ground and says "ah, buffalo come."
In which the cowboy replies:
"Dang, you can tell that from stickin yer ear to the ground?"
Indian says:
"No. Ear sticky."

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Do Native Americans have big diскs?
Because I heard that redwoods are HUGE!

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Why do Native Americans have such good hearing?
They have engineers

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Why are Native Americans the best people to take with you to a sтriр club?
They can literally make it rain.

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