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Food Jokes

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While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes.
The woman asked, "Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?"
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Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2
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Yo mamma is so fат when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.
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This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond.
On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff.
The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."
Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."
Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."
Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"
Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."
Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember.
Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.
The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?"
The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."
The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries!
Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."
Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there."
To which the wife replies, "No, it's not... look, you forgot the pickles!"
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The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work.
If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol.
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
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Заедничко Τι το κοινό έχουν ο γυναικολόγος και το παιδί που κάνει διανομή πίτσας; Qu’est-ce qu’un livreur de Pizza et un gynécologue ont en commun ? Какво е общото между гинеколога и доставчика на пица? Deux mecs bourrés discutent dans un bar : ¿Sabes en que se parecen un ginecólogo y un repartidor de pizza? En que ambos pueden olerla Che differenza c’e’ fra un ragazzo che porta la pizza e un ginecologo? Nessuna Hva er likheten mellom et pizzabud og en gynekolog? - De kan kjenne på lukten men ikke spise...
Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it.
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Q: Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: Because he ate his food before it was cool.
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Why are dolphins cleverer than humans?
Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
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The following sign was posted at a fast-food restaurant owned by two blondes:
Parking for drive-through customers only!
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A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentally droops some BB from the shelf into the batter.
She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake.
Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs.
The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I рissеd out a beebee!"
She says "That's okay, son. I accidentally dropped some bee bees into the cake batter. You'll be fine."
Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you рissеd out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.."
And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you рissеd out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine."
But then son says, "No, no, I was маsтurватing and I shot the dog!"
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A guy dies and is sent to hеll.
Extremely frightened because of that, he is very surprised when he arrives; beach, palm trees, sun is shining, happy people around in shorts and bikinis.
Behind the next corner there are people eating great food and there's some cool music playing.
After some time of wondering, a man in an expensive suit approaches him and says: "Hi, you must be the new one. Welcome to hеll, I'm the devil. As you're gonna spend eternity here, make yourself comfortable and have a drink. If anything bothers you, always feel free to ask me."
The guy still doesn't really understand what's going on, this is not what he expected.
But finally he decides to inspect the area.
Everywhere he goes, there are people laughing and having a great time, there's games, party and fun all around.
Then he arrives at a steep cliff that divides the paradise hеll from an area underneath, and there is hеll as we know it: demons torturing the doomed, there's fire and the smell of brimstone.
Shocked, he runs to the devil and says "Devil, how can that be? Here, we have the sweet eternity and down there people are tortured and burned! How can that be?!"
The devil laughs and says "Oh, that. That's the Catholics - they want it that way."
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Ходих на фитнес и видях нова машина. Във фитнеса има нова машина. Ползвах я около час и вече ми е много зле. Иначе има всичко Ny maskin på gymmet! Riktigt nice We hebben een nieuwe machine op de sportschool
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine.
Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick.
Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps'!
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Q: What do you call a Democratic buffet?
A: A free for all.
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First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?”
Second soldier: “No way, Jose!”
First soldier: “Whyever not?”
Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”
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Seven friends once pulled this at my college cafeteria.
One put a hot water bottle filled with pea soup down his chest; he sat at the head of a table, with the other six friends sitting along the sides.
When the cafeteria was pretty full of people, he made a loud noise (to attract attention), stood up, веnт over and squeezed his chest.
This caused a huge gush of green liquid to spew all over the table; the other six immediately began to eat this green liquid.
I think a lot of food went uneaten that night.
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Every resturant has a drive thru when you're riding shotgun with Chuck Norris.
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Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
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Безброй математици влизат в един бар. Безкраен брой математици влизат в един бар. Математици Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer Eine unendliche Anzahl Mathematiker geht in eine Bar. Der erste bestellt ein Bier
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first orders a вееr, the second orders half a вееr, the third orders a quarter of a вееr, and so on.
After the seventh order, the bartender pours two beers and says, "You fellas ought to know your limits."
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