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Вицове за Хотели English hotel Chistes de hoteles Анекдоты про отели Blagues sur les hôtels Barzellette sugli hotel Ανέκδοτα για ξενοδοχεία Вицови за хотели Otel fıkraları Анекдоти про готелі Piadas sobre hotéis Żarty o hotelach Hotellskämt Hotelgrappen Hotelvitser Hotellvitser Hotellivitsit Szállodás viccek Glume despre hoteluri Vtipy o hotelech Viešbučių anekdotai Viesnīcu joki Vicevi o hotelima
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Hotel Jokes

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Each year our company holds a training session in the conference room of the same hotel. When we were told we would not be able to reserve our usual location, my secretary, Gail, spent many hours on the phone trying to work out alternative arrangements.
Finally, when the details were ironed out, she burst into my office. "Great news, Scott!" she announced. "We’re getting our regular room at the hotel!"
All eyes were on Gail and me as she suddenly realized she had interrupted a meeting with co-workers.
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Yoda is working at a hotel as a concierge and a man walks up to the desk.
Yoda: Hello, welcome, you are.
Man: Hi, I’d like to book a triplex for the weekend.
Yoda: Sorry I am, only duplex we have.
Man: Are you sure? I really need the triplex.
Yoda:
“du or du not, there is not tri”
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Four Husbands are at the lobby waiting for the nurse to tell them about the babies their wives gave birth to. The nurse walks up to the first man and says: Congratulations your wife gave birth to twins! The man says: That's odd, because I work at a restaurant called 2 cities. The nurse walks up to the second man and says: Congratulations your wife gave birth to triplets! The man says: Thats weird because I work at a factory called 3 continents. The nurse walks up to the third guy and says: Congratulations your wife gave birth to Quadruplets! The man says: Thats very odd, because I work at the four seasons hotel! The fourth man starts crying. One of the men says: What's wrong? The fourth man responds: I work at 7up..
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When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels.
"Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do."
"You're right it wasn't!" Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had, the ones we got from the hotel while we were on vacation."
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An old man is sitting at his table in the hotel dining room with a bowl of soup in front of him. He calls the waiter over and asks him to taste the soup.
"Is the soup too cold?" asks the waiter.
"Taste the soup," says the old man.
"Is it too salty?" asks the waiter.
"Taste the soup!" says the old man.
"Is there a fly in it?" asks the waiter.
"JUST TASTE THE SOUP WILL YA!" the old man insists.
The waiter looks down:
"OK then... Where is the spoon?"
The old man exclaims, "Aha!"
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There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesn’t know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where he’s going with his donkey.
“Anywhere I go, she goes.”
“I’m sorry, sir,” said the manager, “but you can’t take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and we’ll take good care of her.” So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesn’t want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
“Great!” replied Bozo. “How much do I have to pay?” he asks.
“One thousand dollars for the food.”
“But I haven’t touched the food.”
“It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV.”
“But I didn’t even know how to turn the dамn thing on!”
“It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed.”
“But I slept on the floor!”
“It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars.”
“You owe me ten thousand dollars for sсrеwing my donkey.”
“But sir, I didn’t do your donkey.”
“It was there. You should have!”
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I walk into a hotel and go to check in. The beautiful receptionist got me checked in and was all smiles. She even wrote down her phone number for me.
The number was 0....
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That awkward part in monopoly when the board is lined with so many hotels that going to jail becomes a blessing.
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A man walks into his hotel’s lift. The operator asks, “Which floor son?”
“17th” replies the man.
“No problem son” says the operator.
As they approached the 17th floor the operator said, “Enjoy the rest of your stay son”
“Why do you keep calling me son?!” asks the man.
“Well, I brought you up didn’t I?” replies the Operator.
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There’s a hotel on 14th Avenue…I have reservations… … But I’m going to stay there anyway.
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All the hotels where I stay now have the television set bolted to the desk, like that's going to keep a guy from taking a television set. If you're that desperate, you get a desk, too.
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A guest in a posh hotel comes down to breakfast and called over the head waiter and read from the menu “I’d like one under cooked egg so that it’s running, and one over cooked egg that it’s tough and hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it’s impossible to spread, and a рот of very weak, lukewarm coffee.” that’s a complicated order sir, said the bewildered waiter. “It might be quite difficult.” The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought me yesterday!”
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I was out with this girl; I bought some drinks. We went back to my hotel room, she starts throwing up the drinks that I bought all over the hotel room; it was very upsetting. It was like she was throwing up my money on my money.
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Once in Lahore girl went to a mosque to confess something. The Mullah asked her what she wanted to confess about guy, named Abdul, ваsтаrd.
On this the mulla asked why? The girl said :
"I met a handsome boy in a hotel. We got in a mood to have sеx. He took me to his room. He opened my shirt".
Then he took off my pant and then his own shirt".
The mulla asked :
"Like this"
? And did the same. The girl said :
"Yes. Then he took off his pant and my вrа."
The Mulla asked :
"Like this"?
The girl said :
"Yes then he took off his underwear and my раnтiеs".
The mulla asked :
"Like this"? And did the same.
The girl said :
"Yes then he inserted his реnis into my vаginа several times".
The mulla asked :
"Like this"? And did the same.
The girl said :
"Yes"
The Mulla said :
"So what is wrong in this evberybody does this. Why did you call him a ваsтаrd?
The girl said :
"I asked him if he had AIDS ----? And he said ----- yes".
On this the Mulla said ::
"Abdul you........ Ваsтаrd !!!!".
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Mr. Jones is on a business trip and has bought some fish to bring home to his wife.
The fish was very expensive, so Mr. Jones decides to hide it until the next day, when he would leave the hotel. The fish is well-packaged in multiple layers of paper, so Mr. Jones hides it between the leaves of a rather large plant in his room.
On the day of his departure, Mr. Jones oversleeps and has to hastily pack all his stuff in order to catch his train. He, of course, forgets the fish. Embarrassed about his mishap, he doesn't tell the hotel when he finds out.
Two weeks later, he gets a message from the hotel that says:
"Dear Mr. Jones ... all is forgiven. Just tell us ... where is it?!?!"
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My mum said “you treat this place like a hotel”……
She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for ‘rude staff’
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(Grand Kids) Hey grandpa, I thought we were going camping! This is a three star hotel!
(Grand Mother responds) Trust me kids, anything under four stars feels like camping.
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Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his medical degree in his home town and left for Manhattan. Soon he was invited to give a speech back in his home town. As he placed his papers on the lectern they slid off onto the floor and when he веnт over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he passed a gigantic fаrт and the microphone amplified it throughout the room.
He was embarrassed but regained his composure to deliver his paper. After he concluded, he raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his hometown until decades later.
His return those many years later was to visit his ailing, elderly mother. He reserved a hotel room under a false name, Levy, and arrived under cover of darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here but
Then I moved away."
"Why haven't you visited?" asked the clerk.
"I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him, "Sir, while I don't have your life experiences, one thing I've learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I'll bet that's true of your incident, too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I hope that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
"Was it before or after the Epstein Fаrт?"
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