Top 22 signs you've had too much of the 90's
22. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags out of the back seat of your car.
21. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
20. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN's homepage to your bookmarks.
19. You have a "to do list" that includes entries for lunch and bathroom breaks and they are usually the ones that never get crossed off.
18. You have actually faxed your Christmas list to your parents.
17. Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains.
16. You consider 2nd day air delivery painfully slow.
15. You assume the question to valet park or not is rhetorical.
14. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.
13. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
12. Your grocery list has been on your refrigerator so long some of the products don't even exist any more.
11. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to improve their profits.
10. You get all excited when it's Saturday and you can wear sweats to work.
9. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as deliverables.
8. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for a living.
7. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
6. You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing a project" are acceptable English phrases.
5. You know the people at the airport hotels better than you know your next door neighbors.
4. You ask your friends to "think out of the box" when making Friday night plans.
3. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put his ideas into a matrix.
2. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
The #1 sign you've had too much of the 90's:
** You hear most of your jokes via email (or the web) instead of in person
Eric hasn’t felt well for days, so he visits his doctor on Monday. The doctor examines him, does some blood tests and gives Eric a prescription for acid reflux. Eric schedules a follow-up apointmennt for Friday.
Doctor: Eric, I have some good news and some bad news, which shall I tell first?
Eric: Uhhh, well, give me the bad news first, I guess.
Doctor: You have advanced pancreatic cancer and you tested positive for НIV. With the proper therapy you may be able to live another three to four months.
Eric: Oh no! But doctor! you said there is GOOD news! What is the good news?
Doctor: Oh yes, there is good news… You know my really good-looking receptionist?
Eric: Yes
Doctor: So hot she takes your breath away just looking at those dark eyes, the perfect teeth when she smiles
Eric: Yes, that’s Nurse Jensen. But you mentioned some GOOD News, doctor
Doctor: Yes, nurse Jensen, in her perfect, crisp, white tight uniform, with more than a hint of décolletage, the display of those enormous Double Dee melons…
Eric: Doctor! You said there is GOOD news! What, pray tell, is the GOOD News?
Doctor: I am getting to the good news! Now where was I? Oh yes, Nurse Jensen! Ahhh, those beautiful legs, perfectly shaped calves and thighs, ascending to the Gates of Paradise! The most perfect аss you ever feasted your eyes on…a body that just won’t quit…
Eric: Doctor! Please! Please tell me the GOOD news!
Doctor: The Good News, my dear Eric, is that I’m taking nurse Jensen out to dinner tonight at the most expensive French Restaurant in town. I’ve rented the Lover’s Suite at the BerkShire Hotel. and who knows where the night will end?

BUSINESS SLOGANS … 25 Funny Lines (Jokes) For The Price of One. (I should make you vote it up 25 times!!!)
…….
Local ad for a Plumber:
“We repair what your husband fixed.” …
…..
On the trucks of a local plumbing company in Pennsylvania:
“Don’t sleep with a drip - call your plumber.” ….
….
Pizza shop slogan:
“7 days without pizza makes one Weak.” ….
….
At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
“Invite us to your next blowout.”
Door of a plastic surgeon’s office:
“Hello, can we pick your nose?”
Sign at the psychic’s Hotline:
“Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”
At a Laundry Shop:
“How about we refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?”
At a Towing Company:
“We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want your tows.”
Billboard on the side of the road:
“Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs.”
On an Electricians truck:
“Let us remove your shorts.”
In a Non-smoking Area:
“If we see smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”
On Maternity Room Door:
“Push, Push, Push.”
At an Optometrist’s Office:
“If you don’t see what your looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”
On a Taxidermist’s window:
“We really know our stuff.”
In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”
On a Butchers window:
“Let me meat your needs.”
On a fence:
“SalesmEn Welcome, Dog food is expensive.”
At a car Dealership :
“The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”
Outside a Muffler Shop:
“No appointment Necessary, we hear you coming.”
Outside a Hotel:
“Help! We need inn-experienced people.”
On a desk in a reception room:
“We shoot every 3rd salesman and the 2nd one just left.”
In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes, Sit ! Stay! ”
At the Electric Company:
“We would be de-lighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t you will be.”
On the door of a Computer Store:
“Out for a quick byte.”
In a Restaurant window:
“Don’t stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.”