One day, a young cowboy and cowgirl get married. He was a man of the world. She was innocent bride with no experience.
After the wedding they left for their honeymoon. While driving down the road, the new bride sees two cows having sεx. The new bride asks, “What are them cows up to honey?”
The husband, a bit flustered, answers, “Why can’t you see? Them cows, they’re roping!”
She replies, “Oh, I see!” After a few more hours of driving they pass two horses having sεx. Again the bride asks, “What are them horses doing honey?”
The husband answers again, “Them horses, they’re roping!”
She replies, “Oh, I see!”
Finally they arrive at their hotel. The couple washed up and started to get ready for bed. When they got in the bed, they start to explore each other’s bodies. Things are going along fine until the bride discovers her husband’s johnson. “Oh my!” she cries: “What is that?”
“Well, darlin'” he chuckles proudly: “That’s ma’ rope!”
She slides her hands down further and gasps, “Oh my goodness! What are those?” she asks.
“Honey, those’re my knots!” he answers.
Finally the couple begins to make love. After several minutes the bride says, “Stop honey, wait a minute!
Her husband, panting a little, asks: “What’s the matter honey, am I hurting you?”
“No,” the bride replies, “undo them dang knots, I need more rope!”
While away at a convention, an executive happened to meet a young woman who was pretty and intelligent. When he persuaded her to disrobe in his hotel room, he found out she had a superb body as well. Unfortunately,the executive found himself unable to perform.
On his first night home, the executive walked from the shower into the bedroom to find his wife wearing a stained bathrobe, her hair curled, her face creamed,her fат hairy legs propped up on a pillow and munching candy loudly while she pored through a movie magazine.
Then, without warning, he felt the onset of a magnificent еrестiоn.
Looking down at this, he snarled, “Why you ungrateful, mixed-up fсuкing son of a вiтсh. Now I know why they call you a fсuкing рriск!”
A mother in China gave birth to a 15-pound baby. Chinese officials say it’s so big, it can do the work of two babies.” -Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump announced he is building a new hotel four blocks from the White House. And with any luck, that will be about as close to the White House as Donald Trump will ever get.” -Jay Leno
“President Obama has ordered new sanctions against Iran’s central bank for engaging in deceptive practices. I’ve got a better idea, how about sanctions against OUR banks for deceptive practices?” -Jay Leno
A new report found that Facebook has created more than 450,000 jobs. Unfortunately, photos posted on Facebook have ended 550,000 jobs.” -Jimmy Fallon
According to USA Today, more Chinese tourists are coming to America. They get to see things they’ve never seen before: the Grand Canyon, the Statue of Liberty, adults working in factories.” -Jay Leno
Today, the United Nations approved a resolution to lift the sanctions against Iraq. … Yeah, the move will allow Iraqis to buy things they don’t have, such as medicine and weapons of mass destruction.
Two guys are at a bar on the roof of a hotel. One guy says to the other guy, "I'll bet you a вееr that I can jump off this building, let this wind take me all the way around this building, and I'll land back up here." The other guy says,
"You're on." The first guy jumps and, sure enough, he goes around the building and lands back on the roof. "You owe me a вееr," he says. He goes on to perform the trick several more times, collecting free beers, until the second guy decides he's going to try it too. He stands on the edge, looking forward to a free вееr from the first man, and jumps off, dying when he slams into the pavement below. The bartender says to the first man, "You sure are an аsshоlе when you're drunк, Superman."