Hotel Jokes

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A Jewish woman entered a hotel. There was a sign that read:
“Pets welcome, Jews not welcome”.
Undaunted by this the Jewish lady Mrs. Rosenburg, asked the hotel owner for a room please.
The innkeeper said, “Sorry we have no vacancies.” Mrs. Rosenburg replied, “The sign says VACANCIES right there!”
The innkeeper said, “Mrs. Rosenburg, you know we don’t allow Jews here.”
Mrs. Rosenburg repiled, “I will have you know I have converted to your religion.”
The innkeeper said, ‘Oh really. Then tell me how JESUS was born?”
Mrs. Rosenburg replied, “He was born of the virgin Mary in a small town of Bethlehem in a manger.
The innkeeper said, “That’s right and why was he born in a manger?”
Mrs Rosenburg slammed her fists on the counter and shouted, “BECAUSE SOME ВLООDУ SORRY АSS OF AN INNKEEPER REFUSED TO GIVE A JEWISH LADY A F**KING ROOM”
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George and Mary were celebrating their 50th anniversary and were spending the night in the famous Washington DC Watergate Hotel. After retiring at midnight Mary recalled the spy story at the Watergate and asked her husband to get up and check the room.
Disgruntled he looked behind the mirror, the pictures, under the bed and finally under the big circular carpet in the center of the room under the chandelier. Mary exclaimed, "There, look, there is a big plate there, look under it."
Fortunately George had his Swiss Army knife and unscrewed the four large screws, finding nothing. Satisfied the room was not bugged they both went to sleep. Upon checkout the next morning the clerk asked them if they had any problems in their room last night. No, they replied and asked why he asked.
He told them that at midnight the room under them had the chandelier fall down in the center of their room.
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One day, a man on a golf course, was having a really lousy game. Just as he was about to hit the ball, he heard a voice behind him. "Ribbit 9 iron, ribbit 9 iron." He turned around and there was a frog on the green. "OK frog, we'll just see how much you know," said the man. He used the 9 iron and hit a hole in one. The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think, frog?"
"Ribbit 3 wood, ribbit 3 wood." After golfing the most amazing game of his life, the man takes the frog to the casino. "What do you think frog?"
"Ribbit black 21, ribbit black 21." After winning around 40,000 dollars, the man takes the frog up to his hotel room and sits it on the bed. "OK frog, you've done so much for me, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Ribbit kiss me, ribbit kiss me." So, the man leaned over and kissed the frog. It turned into a beautiful woman named Monica.
"And that, your honor, is how she got into my room, or my name isn't William Jefferson Clinton!"
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A man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed… just then, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.
Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager.
The manager says he’ll be right up.
The manager is skeptical, but the wife insists the story is true.
“Look… lie here on the bed - you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”
So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in and says, “What are you doing here!?!”
The manager calmly replies, “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train.
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