Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.
The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.
The first man says, “I'm really proud of my son. He started off as a small realtor showing houses every day and working himself to death, but it paid off! Now he owns his own real estate business that has offices across the country. In fact, he’s done so well that he recently bought his friend a very nice house”.
The second man (not wanting to be outdone) instantly starts describing his son. “Well I am just beyond proud of my son. He started out as a car salesman and he worked every weekend and all the holidays, but boy did it pay off! He now owns car dealerships across the country. In fact, he has done so well recently that he bought his friend two very expensive cars”.
The third man then launches into a description of his son. “Ah well my son is just phenomenal and I could not possibly be more proud of him. He started off as a small stockbroker in a tiny company, but through perseverance and hard work he has become the biggest broker for Wall Street. In fact, he has done so well that recently he bought his friend a ton of stocks that are expected to dramatically increase in value; for sure his friend will be a very wealthy man in just a year or less!” At this point the fourth guy finally joins them and asks what he has missed. The other three explain that they have been talking about their kids and how proud they are of what their offspring have accomplished.
The last guy blatantly states, “I'm not really all that proud of my son. He's been a hairdresser for the last fifteen years and I recently found out that he is gаy…But he must be really good at what he does considering his last three boyfriends have bought him a house, two cars, and a bunch of great stocks”.
A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop with a Тwinкiе in her hand.
She sits on the seat and the barber puts the plastic cover on her. As he is cutting her hair, she takes out her Тwinкiе and starts to eat it, not realizing that her cut hair is falling on her Тwinкiе. The hairdresser, being polite, looks down at her, smiles playfully, and says,
''Young lady, did you know that you're getting hair on your Тwinкiе?''
She smiles back, and says,
''Yes, I know...I'm growing воовs too!''
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours." The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About three hours." The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop
and said, "About an hour and half." The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said,
"Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house"
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
He mentioned the trip to his barber who responded…
“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It’s crowded and dirтy and full of Italians.
You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re taking American Airlines,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”
“American Airlines?” exclaimed the barber.
“That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they’re always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be at the downtown International Marriott.”
“That dump? That’s the worst hotel in the city.
The rooms are small, the service is surly and they’re overpriced.
So, whatcha doing when you get there?”
“We’re going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“That’s rich,” laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him.
He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it.”
A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut.
The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.
“It was wonderful,” explained the man, “not only were we on time in one of American Airlines s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class.
The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel - it was great! They’d just finished a $25 million remodelling job, and now it’s the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”
“Well,” muttered the barber, “I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand!
I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.”
“Really?” asked the barber. “What’d he say?”
He said, “Where’d you get the сrаррy haircut?”