Four guys go golfing. One of them is held up in the country club with some accounts to settle, so he tells the others to start without him and he'll catch up.
The other three guys move on to the first hole and start talking about their kids.
The first man says, “I'm really proud of my son. He started off as a small realtor showing houses every day and working himself to death, but it paid off! Now he owns his own real estate business that has offices across the country. In fact, he’s done so well that he recently bought his friend a very nice house”.
The second man (not wanting to be outdone) instantly starts describing his son. “Well I am just beyond proud of my son. He started out as a car salesman and he worked every weekend and all the holidays, but boy did it pay off! He now owns car dealerships across the country. In fact, he has done so well recently that he bought his friend two very expensive cars”.
The third man then launches into a description of his son. “Ah well my son is just phenomenal and I could not possibly be more proud of him. He started off as a small stockbroker in a tiny company, but through perseverance and hard work he has become the biggest broker for Wall Street. In fact, he has done so well that recently he bought his friend a ton of stocks that are expected to dramatically increase in value; for sure his friend will be a very wealthy man in just a year or less!” At this point the fourth guy finally joins them and asks what he has missed. The other three explain that they have been talking about their kids and how proud they are of what their offspring have accomplished.
The last guy blatantly states, “I'm not really all that proud of my son. He's been a hairdresser for the last fifteen years and I recently found out that he is gаy…But he must be really good at what he does considering his last three boyfriends have bought him a house, two cars, and a bunch of great stocks”.
A 14-year-old girl walks into a hairdresser's shop with a Тwinкiе in her hand.
She sits on the seat and the barber puts the plastic cover on her. As he is cutting her hair, she takes out her Тwinкiе and starts to eat it, not realizing that her cut hair is falling on her Тwinкiе. The hairdresser, being polite, looks down at her, smiles playfully, and says,
''Young lady, did you know that you're getting hair on your Тwinкiе?''
She smiles back, and says,
''Yes, I know...I'm growing воовs too!''
A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked:
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About two hours." The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About three hours." The guy left.
A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked,
"How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop
and said, "About an hour and half." The guy left.
The barber turned to a friend and said,
"Hey, Bill, do me a favor. Follow that guy and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back."
A little while later Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So where does that guy go when he leaves?" Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said, "Your house"
Word got out in a old Western town that Black Bart escaped from Jail and was heading that way. The townsfolk gathered in the saloon to discuss what to do next since the sheriff was out of town.
"How will we recognize him? It's been so long since anyone actually saw him and lived to tell about it," said the town's barber.
"I heard he could eat bullets and кill you by just spitting," said the hotel owner.
All of a sudden, a kid runs into the saloon and yells, "Someone's coming and I think it's Black Bart!"
Sure enough a huge 6 ft tall rugged, tough-looking, bearded, black clothed cowboy with an eye patch and a long scar down the left side of his face and huge muscular arms and chest came walking through the saloon doors. Only sound you could hear was his spurs as he walked up to the bar. No one dared to move or utter a sound; too frightened to move.
He looked around at all the townsfolk, hiding behind tables and chairs holding their breath. He walked up to the bar and took out his gun and banged it on the counter. The bartender yelped.
He yelled to the bartender hiding behind the counter, "Giт up and give me a whiskey!"
The bartender poured him a shot glass of whiskey. He took the glass, drank it down, then ate the shot glass. Two women fainted and the sound of teeth chattering could be heard behind the piano. The bartender nervously asked, "Would you like another glass sir?"
"Naw. I need to go. Hav'ta leave town," he said.
"You're leaving so soon?" the bartender asked, puzzled.
"Heck yeah! Didn't you hear? Black Bart's coming this way!"