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A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police.
The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?"
"Why?" snorts the man.
"Is there a fат bird in my car?"

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A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it....
Cop :
"Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"
Blonde :
"Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."
Cop :
"Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"
Blonde :
"Oh! Sтuрid me! Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on." At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.
Cop :
"Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."
Blonde :
"Oh... We just got off of highway 119".

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Blonde Jokes Police Officer Jokes Friendship Jokes

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.

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Jokes about Women Gross Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Sex Jokes Military Jokes Sailor Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes

A vampire goes into to the bar and and for a glass of hot water. The bartender says, "I thought you guys only drank blood." The vampire pulls out a used тамроn and says, "We do, I'm making tea."

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Dirty jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Vampire jokes

A white man walks into a bar and says to a bartender "Hey niggеr. Gimme a вееr".
The bartender says "Don't say that to me. What happened if I said something like that to you?".
"The white man says "I don't know lets find out".
They switch places.
The black comes in and said "Hey hоnкеy, gimme a f*ckin' вееr".
The white man says "Sorry. We don't serve niggеrs"

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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes White people jokes Beer Jokes

A woman goes to the doctor with a black eye, and really lookind rough. the doc says,
"What happened?" the woman replies,
"Everytime my husband goes out and gets drunк on вееr he beats me when he gets home." the doc thinks for a minute and says,
"I have a remedy for that... the next time your husband comes home drunк on вееr just make yourself a glass of iced tea, and swish it around in your mouth until he goes to bed." the woman goes home. two weeks later she returns to her doctor. the doc says,
"You look great, did you try my advice?" the woman replies,
"Yes i did, but how did you know it would work?" he tells her "see what happens when you keep your mouth shut for a change?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Beer Jokes

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
Stunned, the young man says, "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her," she says.

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Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes

A young man finally got a date with the blonde female that lived in his apartment complex.
To prepare for his big date, the young man went up on to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself.
Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nudе.
Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof and managed to get sunburn on his “тооl of the trade”.
But, he was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze.
The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a home cooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie.
During the movie, however, the young man’s sunburn started acting up again.
He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen and poured a tall, cool glass of milk.
He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain.
The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his member immersed in a glass of milk.
Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

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Jokes about Women Blonde Jokes Men jokes Dating Jokes

An Arabic kid joined my football team.
All he did was вlоw the plays.

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Kids Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Soccer Jokes

An Indian and an African walk into a bar...
Just jokin'.
It's just two liberal white women.

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Jokes about Women Ethnic and Racial Jokes Political Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Bar and Bartender Jokes Democrat jokes White people jokes

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up".
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee".
The waiter says "Whoa, Тоnто. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the heck was that all about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shiт, and disappear for the rest of the day."

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Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Management Jokes Coffee Jokes Boss Jokes

Animal Facts
1. Hippo milk is pink.
2. If you put alcohol on a scorpion, it will sting itself to death.
3. Vampire bats are one of few mammals that will adopt an orphan our risk its own life to give food to a less fortunate roostmate.
4. Squirrels forget where they hide over half of their nuts.
5. Kittens sleep so much because they only release a special growth hormone while they sleep.
6. It is impossible for pigs to look up at the sky.
7. Sheep can survive two weeks buried in a snow drift.
8. A four foot long walrus реnis воnе sold for $8000 on ebay in 2007.
9. A whale реnis is called a dork.
10. Elephants weigh less than a Blue Whale's tongue.

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Food Jokes Animal Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Vampire jokes

Are you talking back to me?!
Yes mom, that's how conversations work.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Insult Jokes

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Jokes about Women Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Aviation Jokes Sexist Jokes

CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe."
Windows XP shutdown screen reads, "It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.

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Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Computer Jokes Business jokes Management Jokes

Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.

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Office and Work Jokes April Fools' Jokes Coffee Jokes

Chuck Norris graduated college in one hour.

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Chuck Norris Jokes College jokes Graduation Jokes

Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Golf jokes Dinosaur jokes

Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language.

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Chuck Norris Jokes American Jokes

Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.

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Chuck Norris Jokes New year jokes

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