Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes
A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, “Wife, we’re going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog.”
The wife grimaces, “But I don’t like fishing!”
“Look! We’re going fishing and that’s final.”
“Do I have to go fishing with you… I really don’t want to go!”
“Right I’ll give you three choices… 1 You come fishing with me and the dog… 2 You give me a ВLОW JOB…. 3 or you take it up the аss!”
The wife grimaces again, “But I don’t want to do any of those things!”
“Wife I’ve given you three options.. You’ll HAVE to do one of them! I’m going to the garage to sort out my fishing tackle, when I come back I expect you to have made up your mind!”
The wife sits and thinks about it.
Twenty minutes later her husband comes back, “Well! What have you decided? FISHING with me and the dog, ВLОW JOB, or аss?”
The wife complains some more and finally makes up her mind, “O.K. I’ll give you a вlоw job!”
“Great!” He says and drops his pants.
The wife is on her knees doing the business.
Suddenly she stops, looks up at her Husband, “Oh! It tastes absolutely disgusting… It tastes all shiттy!”
“Yes!” says her husband “The dog didn’t want to go fishing either.”
One day Sven walks into the local pub and announces, "Well boys Svens is getting married."
As you can imagine all of Sven's' friends were very happy for Sven's good fortune and they asked, "Who's the lucky girl?"
Sven replied, "Well I am a marrying Madge."
Well, this upset all of Sven's friends because Madge was nothing but a sluт, and they all cried.
"Sven you can't marry Madge, she's not a nice girl!"
"Sven replied, "Oh ya, Sven's in love and he's a getting married."
And his friends persisted, "Sven, Madge is a woman of low morals."
Sven just grinned and replied, "Oh ya ya ya, but I love Madge."
Finally, his friends had enough and in unison cried out, "But Sven, Madge has been sсrеwеd by every man in town!"
"Oh ya ya ya," said Sven, "But it's not that big of a town."
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"
"Outstanding," Fred replied.
"They taught us all the latest psychological techniques, visualization, association,it made a huge difference for me."
"That's great! What was the name of the clinic?"
Fred went blank He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.
Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"
"You mean a rose?"
"Yes, that's it!"
He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde.
As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!"
Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I... I... didn't pinch that girl."
"Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did!"