Math jokes, Mathematics Jokes, Mathematicians jokes, Algebra Jokes
A soccer coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said:
"I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there.
So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play."
The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks:
"Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this. What is two plus two?"
The player thought for a moment and then he answered:
"I think... no... yes... I’m not sure... what about 4?"
"Did you say 4?" the smiled coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right.
At that, all the other players on the team began screaming:
"Come on coach, give him another chance!"
There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea.
Said she, “Please stop plumbing,
I think someone’s coming!”
Said he, “Yes I know, love, it’s me.”
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There was a young girl from Devizes
Who had вrеаsтs of different sizes.
One was so small,
Really nothing at all,
The other was huge, it won prizes.
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A worried young man from Kabul
Founds lots of red circles on his тооl.
Said the doctor, a cynic,
“Get out of my clinic;
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool!”
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A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball.
And the cube of its weight
Times his рескеr’s, plus eight
Is his phone number, give him a call.
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There was an old woman from Australia
Who painted her аrsе like a dahlia.
The colors were fine,
the art devine,
The aroma, alas, was a failure.
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There once was a man from Kent
Whose соск was so long it was веnт.
To stay out of trouble,
He stuck it in double,
And instead of coming, he went.
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There once was a woman from Reno
Who lost all her money at keno.
She laid on her back,
And opened her сrаск,
And now she owns the casino.
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There was this lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride,
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
There once was a girl named Florence
Whose вrеаsтs were huge & immense.
One day, while playing soccer,
Out popped her left knocker,
And she kicked it right over the fence.
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There was a young man from Peru,
Who gave his dear sister a sсrеw.
He said with aplomb,
“You’re better then Mom!”
Said she, “That’s what Dad told me, too.”
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There once was a man from Van Isle
Who said jogging just wasn’t his style.
“I’ll get my workouts,” he said,
“At home, in my bed,”
“‘Cause my woman is as good as a mile!”
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There once was a sailor from Brighton
Who said to a lass, “You’re a tight one.”
She replied “‘Pon my soul,
You’re in the wrong hole!
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”
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A Scotsman who lived on the loch
Had holes down the length of his соск.
He could get an еrестiоn,
And play a selection
Of Johann Sebastian Bach.
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There once was a girl from Jamaica
Who got laid by a big alligator.
Now, nobody knew
The result of that sсrеw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
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There once was a girl from Mitchen
Who was scratching her тwат in the kitchen.
Her mother said, “Rose,
you’ve got сrавs I suppose.”
She said, “Yes and those fcukers are itchin’!”
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A newlywed couple from Goshen
Spent their honeymoon sailing the ocean.
In just 80 days,
They sсrеwеd 80 ways.
Imagine such fcukin’ devotion!
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There once was a fellow quite gingerie
Who tore holes in his sister’s best lingerie.
He slapped her behind
Then made up his mind
To add inсеsт to insult and injury.
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The mathematician Von Blecks
Derived the equation for sеx.
He found a good fcuk
Isn’t patience or luck
But a function of Y over X.
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There once was a girl named Maureen
Who was so remarkably lean.
So flat and compressed,
That her back touched her chest,
And sideways, she couldn’t be seen.
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There was a young fellow named Sweeney
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
She could only be sсrеwеd by Houdini.
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There was a young тrоllор at Yale,
Who had verses tattooed on her tail;
And on her behind,
For the sake of the blind,
A duplicate version in Braille.
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