Most popular jokes

I walked in on my girlfriend having sеx with her fitness trainer.
Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."

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One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.
"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a... вееr," the bear says.
"Alright, one вееr for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

What do you call a dog that won’t come when you call it, refuses to sleep in it’s bed, and seldom wants to play?
A cat.

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One-Liner Jokes Dog jokes

Two Blonde Guy's were going on a road trip to Florida. A buddy told them that they'd be fine as long as they paid close attention to the road signs along the way.
They'd driven 30 miles when they saw one that read, 'Clean Restrooms Ahead'.
Two months later they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, 267 rolls of paper towels, and three cases of toilet-bowl cleaner. Total restrooms cleaned: 450.

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Blonde Jokes

Jim is up north on a trip and his car breaks down.
He checks it out for a minute and being a mechanic he pretty quickly knows he needs a tow truck.
He opens his phone and has no signal so he starts walking.
A few minutes later he here's the bass of a car coming in the distance, bht dum dum do buh dum dum do.
He waits and sees a low riding car pull up next to him.
The windows roll down and smoke pours out.
He sees a bunch of empty вееr bottles.
The driver and his 3 passengers ask "hey man! Need a lift? We saw your car up the road?"
He thinks for a minute and decides not to go with them.
The ask what's wrong with the car the mechanic replies "uhh just piston broke that's all" the driven than replies "eh so are we man hop in!"

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Car and driving jokes Men jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes Phone jokes Beer Jokes

Jeff Bezos has invested $42 million to build a huge 500-foot tall underground clock that ticks once per year for 10,000 years.
He did this because he overheard his wife talking to a friend, he thought she said she wished he had a larger clock...

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Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Business jokes Friendship Jokes

A man met a wonderful woman and became engaged to her.
He called his mother to share his good news with her.
He arranged to have dinner with his mother that evening so that she could meet his fiancee.
When he arrived at her home, he brought along three women - a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead.
His mother inquired as to why he had brought three women, instead of just one.
He replied that he wanted to see if his mother would be able to guess which one of the women was her future daughter-in-law.
She looked at each one carefully and then replied: "It's the redhead."
"How could you possibly have figured that out so quickly?" he inquired.
She coldly replied, "Because I can't stand her."

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Mother-in-Law Jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Wedding jokes Blonde Jokes

Wife: "There's something preying on my mind."
Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes

Wanna hear a pencil joke? Ugh, nevermind, it's pointless.

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Jokes

This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Рlаyвоy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.

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Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Beauty Jokes

Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.

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Fitness jokes Phone jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.

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Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Communication Jokes

My iPhone fell from the 20th floor.
Good thing it was in airplane mode.

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Technology Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes Aviation Jokes

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"
Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Ugly Jokes

A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.

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Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Communication Jokes

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one.
I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."

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Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes Customer service jokes Hotel Jokes

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out.
"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Customer service jokes Beauty Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.

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Asian jokes Technology Jokes Phone jokes

My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

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Gross Jokes Military Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Chemistry Jokes Fart Jokes

When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me.
First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her.
Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.

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Blonde Jokes Gross Jokes Beauty Jokes Fart Jokes Love Jokes

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