Most popular jokes

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to кill him.
The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure are you that she is gonna кill you? Did she threaten to кill you?"
"No," replied the nervous immigrant.
"Did you hear her tell someone else that she's gonna кill you?"
"No."
"Did someone tell you that your wife is gonna кill you?"
"No."
"Then why did you think she's gonna кill you?" asked the exasperated police officer.
"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!"
He handed the police officer the suspect bottle. The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to laugh out loud.
The immigrant became indignant and said, "What so funny? Can't you see the label on bottle said 'Polish Remover'?"

77 0

I walked in on my girlfriend having sеx with her fitness trainer.
Me: "Okay, this isn't working out."

77 0

Sex Jokes Sports Jokes Love Jokes

One day, a bear walks into a bar. He sits down at the counter, and the bartender comes over.
"What'll it be?" asks the bartender.
"I'll have a... вееr," the bear says.
"Alright, one вееr for the bear. But I gotta ask, why the big pause?" asks the bartender.
"I don't know," says the bear. "I was born with them."

77 0

Drinking and Drunk Jokes Beer Jokes

What do you call a dog that won’t come when you call it, refuses to sleep in it’s bed, and seldom wants to play?
A cat.

77 0

One-Liner Jokes Dog jokes

Two Blonde Guy's were going on a road trip to Florida. A buddy told them that they'd be fine as long as they paid close attention to the road signs along the way.
They'd driven 30 miles when they saw one that read, 'Clean Restrooms Ahead'.
Two months later they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, 267 rolls of paper towels, and three cases of toilet-bowl cleaner. Total restrooms cleaned: 450.

77 0

Blonde Jokes

Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.

76 0

Car and driving jokes Police Officer Jokes Communication Jokes

My iPhone fell from the 20th floor.
Good thing it was in airplane mode.

76 0

Technology Jokes Stupid Jokes Phone jokes Aviation Jokes

Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"
Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."

76 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Ugly Jokes

A blonde hops on and off a curb on a busy street, saying 54 over and over.
A brunette walks by and asks what the blonde is doing.
The blonde replies that she is jumping on and off the curb saying 54 over and over.
The brunette joins her.
Soon, the brunette gets hit by a passing car.
The blonde watches as the car drives away.
The blond then continues to jump on and off the curb, saying 55 over and over.

76 0

Blonde Jokes Car and driving jokes Dark Humor Jokes Communication Jokes

A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one.
I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room.
"No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."

76 0

Fitness jokes Office and Work Jokes Customer service jokes Hotel Jokes

While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer asked my coworker to help her pick out a tie that would make her husband's blue eyes stand out.
"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie it tight enough."

76 0

Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Customer service jokes Beauty Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

If you drop your phone in water, put it in a bowl of rice. Overnight an Asian will come to your house, fix the phone, eat the rice and then run away.

76 0

Asian jokes Technology Jokes Phone jokes

My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

76 0

Gross Jokes Military Jokes Mother-in-Law Jokes Chemistry Jokes Fart Jokes

When I reached bus stop I saw a pretty blonde who was gazing me.
First I supposed perhaps she loves me so I also watched her and twinkled her.
Then I understood she has farted and is looking me in order whether I would feel or not.

76 0

Blonde Jokes Gross Jokes Beauty Jokes Fart Jokes Love Jokes

I haven't spoken to the mother in law for 6 months now... apparently, it's rude to interrupt!

76 0

Mother-in-Law Jokes Communication Jokes

The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.

76 0

Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Yo mama is so fат whenever I want to make sеx I would request her to fаrт in order to find the address of her аss.

76 1

Yo Momma Jokes Gross Jokes Sex Jokes Fart Jokes

On a Trans-Atlantic Flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.
One woman, in particular, loses it!
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.
"I'm too young to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sеx in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I've had it! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a woman?"
For a moment there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane.
"I can make you feel like a woman," he says.
He's drop-dead gorgeous.
Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
No one moves.
The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.
He removes his shirt.
Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Here, iron this."

76 0

Aviation Jokes Sex Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Weather jokes

A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.

76 0

Men jokes Communication Jokes Stupid Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Instead of saying, "And here's your receipt," cashiers should say, "Will you throw this away for me?"

76 0

Customer service jokes Communication Jokes

Most Popular Jokes