Most popular jokes

I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night.
I snuck up behind an older lady, started fuскing her from behind then looked up and suddenly realized that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a вlоwjов, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."
He said, "I'm not."

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You've already read the entire Dilbert page-a-day calendar for 2000.You discover that staring at your cubicle wall long enough produces images of Elvis.You've figured out a way to get Gilligan off the island.You decide to see how many Mountain Dews you can drink before the inevitable explosion occurs.People come into your office only to borrow pencils from your ceiling.No longer content with merely photocopying your вuтт, you now scan and enhance it with Photoshop.You now require only a single can of cola to belch the names of all seven Dwarfs.The 4th Division of Paperclips has overrun the Pushpin Infantry, and General White-Out has called for reinforcements.

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Military Jokes

A teacher asked her class to write on "What's the bravest thing your dad has done?"
A student wrote... "My dad married my mom."

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One-Liner Jokes School Jokes

A rabbi, priest, and a minister are out fishing in a boat on a big lake when the priest realizes that he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting to disturb the fishing of the others in the boat by having them take him to shore, he gets out of the boat and walks across the water to do his business and then returns to the boat.A little while later the minister has to go also and he does the same. He walks across the water, does his business and returns across the water to the boat.
Finally the rabbi feels the urge to go to the bathroom too, so he climbs out of the boat. But instead of walking across the water, he falls into the water and starts to wildly splash around. The priest and the minister finally drag the rabbi back into the boat and the priest turns to the minister and says, "Maybe we should have told him where the rocks were."

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Priest Jokes Priest Jokes

Q: What's the idea of a blonde of natural childbirth?
A: No make-up.

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Blonde Jokes Baby Jokes Beauty Jokes Birthday Jokes

If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in bed with a mosquito.

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes

Judge: "You are sentenced to 2 years of solitary confinement"
Me: "Thank you."

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Judge and Court Jokes Prison Jokes Communication Jokes

Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunting peckers.

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Blonde Jokes Hunting Jokes

Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't.
Look at their oddball requests:
A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard.
A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german.
A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck.
A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.

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Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Animal Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Dog jokes

Q: What was the one thing Нiтlеr did well?
A: Кill himself.

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Hitler Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Morbid jokes

Q: If Нiтlеr would have been a feminist what political system would he have come up with?
A: A dickhatership!

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Hitler Jokes Dirty jokes Political Jokes

A seventy-six-year-old man married a woman less than half his age and took her off on honeymoon to the Caribbean. When he returned home, his sister asked him how it had gone.
"Oh, it was wonderful," he said, "We made love almost every night."
"That's quite a feat at your age," said the sister.
"Yes," he continued. "Almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday..."

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Old People Jokes Monday jokes

Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm.
They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially.
The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain.
"One day, you'll spill your guts out, you mark my words!" was the lady's frequent closing warning.
Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a sтrоке of genius.
She took all the turkey's guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man's covers.
"That'll teach him!" she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work.
At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression.
"You were right about the farting, Ida," he panted, "I'm ashamed to admit that I did fаrт my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!"

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Thanksgiving Jokes Gross Jokes Fart Jokes Couple jokes

Yo mama's so fат that when she jumped into the ocean a hurricane began.

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Yo Momma Jokes Weather jokes

The main rule to obey, if you are in jail: never take a bow for a fallen soap from the wash basin. Try and you'll cry.

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Prison Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes

Teacher: "Who can tell what is a mammal?
Little Johnny: "My grand mother!"

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Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Old People Jokes

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob.
"Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work."
"Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday."
So I call him on his cell.
"What gives, bro,?" I ask.
"Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes."
I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty вееr."
"Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to сrаск open a cold one myself."

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Friendship Jokes Office and Work Jokes Food Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Beer Jokes

Officer: "your eyes look red man have you been smoking wееd."
Suspect: "officer your eyes look glazed like you has had doughnuts."

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Police Officer Jokes Drug Jokes Flirt jokes

Yo mamma so small she uses a Dorito for a hang lider.

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Yo Momma Jokes Sports Jokes Food Jokes

Your mama is so short when she tried to get high she couldn't.

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Yo Momma Jokes Drug Jokes

Most Popular Jokes