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Вицове за музиканти и музика English Music Witze, Musiker Witze, Mu... Chistes y anecdotas de Músicos... Анекдоты про музыкантов, Анекд... Blagues sur la musique - Blagu... Italiano Ελληνικά Македонски Türkçe Українська Português Dowcipy i kawały: Muzyka i muz... Musikskämt Muziekmoppen, Muziek humor Dansk Vitser om musik Musiikkivitsit, Muusikkovitsit Zenész viccek, Zene viccek Româna Vtipy o hudbě a muzikantech Lietuvių Latviešu Hrvatski
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Music jokes, Musician Jokes

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How did Metallica get people to stop pirating their music?
They stopped releasing anything worth listening to.
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What do Blondes say after sеx? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers?
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How do you know a man is really a bad dancer?
When he can still step on Dolly Parton's toes.
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Why couldn't Usain Bolt listen to his music?
"Because he broke the record."
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Chuck Norris can play the saxophone... while holding his breath.
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Q: What's the difference between Elvis and a smart Liberal?
A: Elvis has been sighted.
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In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.
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Мајка и син Who Is God? Klein Evi geht zu der Mutter und fragt: "Du Mami - Pappa Joãozinho pergunta à seu pai: — Pai Pikku-Kalle kysyi äidiltään: Onko Jumala mies vai nainen? Jumala on molemmat En lille dreng spørger sin far... - Far
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it.
She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: “God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.”
To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”
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A kindergarten teacher spent a few minutes each morning teaching a new word to her class.
She would tell the class the word and its meaning, then ask them to come up with a few sentences that included the word for the day.
One day, the teacher said that the word for the day was "frugal."
She explained that frugal had to do with saving, and a frugal person is one who saves.
She then asked the class to come up with a sentence for the word.
The class seemed kind of stumped, and sat there in silence for a few seconds until one little girl raised her hand.
Instead of just a sentence, she came up with a little story:
"There once was a princess who was stuck in a tall tower.
There was a spell on all of the doors, so she couldn’t get out.
One day, she heard a young prince who was walking by and singing.
The princess called out of the tower, 'Frugal me! Frugal me!'
So, the prince frugaled her and they lived happily ever after."
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Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist?
A: Cool music!
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The beatles originally said they were "Вiggеr than Chuck Norris", John Lennon was simply a warning.
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When you're driving and Nicki Minaj is on all 3 radio stations at the exact same time, there's nothing left to do except crash your car.
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Q: How do you wake up Lady gaga?
A: Poke her face.
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Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
A: She will "let it go let it go".
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"Johny, please, tell us, what do you do the whole day, so?"
"So, in the morning I cut the wood, sometimes with both hands, 5 minutes a day I play the guitar, to tell the truth. And in the afternoon I go to my garden to water the flowers. The lilies of the valleys and may-flowers I water most likely. Yes, they are really cute. Then I tear the leaflets to find out if the neighbor (her husband is not at home) loves me or not. The last time it came out that she loves me, fuск."
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Things Men Don't Say:
- Let's watch Lifetime.
- Sеx is overrated.
- I don't want to go too far on the first date.
- Yes, your sister does have вiggеr вrеаsтs than you.
- Don't we owe your mother a visit?
- I'm relieved I don't have a large реnis weighing me down.
- Dessert goes right to my hips.
- I hate when I miss Oprah.
- Does this suit make me look fат?
- I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
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A frog goes into a bank, and hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?''
The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''
''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''
The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form. ''Okay,what's your name?''
The frog replies, ''Kermit Jagger.''
''Really?'' says the loan officer. ''Any relation to Мiск Jagger?''
''Yeah, he's my dad.''
''Hmmm,'' says the loan officer. ''Do you have any collateral?''
The frog hands over a pink ceramic elephant and asks, ''Will this do?''
The loan officer says, ''Um, I'm not sure. Let me go check with the bank manager.''
''Oh, tell him I said hi,'' adds the frog. ''He knows me.''
The loan officer goes back to the manager and says, ''Excuse me, sir, but there's a frog out there named Kermit Jagger who wants to borrow some money. All he has for collateral is this pink elephant thing; I'm not even sure what it is.''
The manager says: ''It's a knick-knack, Paddywack, give the frog a loan; his old man's a Rolling Stone.''
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50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
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