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Latest Jokes

During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general.
"You simpleton!" the officer barked.
"Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?"
"Yes sir," the solder answered apologetically.
"But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice.
And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches.
But when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the вiggеr say, "Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' - that did it!"

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Office and Work Jokes Animal Jokes Military Jokes Dog jokes

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely thing.
Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator."
Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn’t wear because they were out of style.
She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the color didn’t suit you.
Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don’t fit into anymore.
Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, "Is there anything else that your wife doesn’t use anymore?"
"And so, here we are!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Cheating Jokes Love Jokes

Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

I use the internet to tell me what the weather's like.
How do you do that?
I carry my laptop outside and if it gets wet, I know it's raining!

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Technology Jokes IT jokes Internet Jokes Stupid Jokes Weather jokes

The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out.
A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!"
The murderer called back, "I'm warning you.
If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll кill us both!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Police Officer Jokes

Chuck Norris' shadow stays ten steps behind him in fear of a roundhouse kick.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand.
It being hot and him being thirsty, he decided to stop.
Once he got up to the little boy's stand, he noticed a sign that said "All you can drink 10 cents," and a single, very small glass. Well, he thought that it was an awful small glass, but since it was only 10 cents for all you can drink, he decided to get some anyway.
He gave the boy a dime, and shot down the whole glass in one swig.
He slapped the glass back onto the table and said, "fill 'er up."
The kid replieds, "Sure thing, that'll be 10 cents."
To this the business man said, "But your sign says all you can drink for a dime."
"It is," the little boy replies, "That's all you can drink for a dime."

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Money jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Business jokes Single People Jokes

The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly.

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Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes Communication Jokes

- Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
- It's a girl. She's my daughter.
- Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
- I'm not. I'm her mother.

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Kids Jokes Insult Jokes Dad Jokes

When the metal detector goes off at the airport, it is just verifying Chuck Norris walked through.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Aviation Jokes

You could give me 37 years to do homework and I still wouldn't do it until the night before.

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Office and Work Jokes School Jokes Student jokes

The last person to enter parliament with honest intentions was Guy Fawkes on 5th November 1605.

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Political Jokes Life Jokes

Bro, send me some good jokes.
Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend.
Good One! Send me more.

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Friendship Jokes Relationship Jokes Love Jokes

Bob the Builder asks if we can fix it, Chuck Norris already did.

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Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra, cobra died after 5 days.

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Animal Jokes Chuck Norris Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold onto a thought.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Beauty Jokes Stupid Jokes

A man calls 911 emergency: " Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a соndом!"
After five minutes, the same man calls back: "It is ok, I found another one."

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Parent Jokes Phone jokes

The chemical formula for the highly toxic cyanide ion is CN-.
These are also Chuck Norris' initials.
This is not a coincidence.

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Chuck Norris Jokes One-Liner Jokes Chemistry Jokes Sick and Death Jokes

Q: What does a lеsвiаn have in common with a mechanic?
A: Snap-on tools!

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Dirty jokes Lesbian jokes

If sеx is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

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Sex Jokes