Newest jokes - Page 286

Q: How many racists does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: None. They don't want to be enlightened.

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Some of the finest quotes from the Honorable Marion Barry: "The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather."
"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk."
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low сriме rate."
"First, it was not a sтriр bar, it was an еrотiс club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl."
"Вiтсh set me up."
"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less."
"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist."
"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria, or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?"
"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to кill me than who want to кill the president? I can assure you there are."
"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sасrifiсе."
"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican."
"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?"
"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!"
"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."

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If соn is the opposite of pro, who's surprised that Congress is the opposite of progress?

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Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m..
Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.

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News and Politics Jokes

What would a female president's husband be called?
Bill Clinton.

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News and Politics Jokes American Presidents Humor

How are politicians like diapers?
You have to change them both often, and for the same reason.

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News and Politics Jokes Political Jokes Life Jokes

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

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Q: Why don't politicians use bookmarks?
A: Because they prefer to bend pages.

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News and Politics Jokes

The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.

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News and Politics Jokes

Why don't Polish people кill frogs?
Because it's their national bird.

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News and Politics Jokes

A Polish man was taking a flight on acommercial airliner.
The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour intothe flight, a loud BOOM occurred. The flight attendant came over the intercom and said,"Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. Westill have three engines, I repeat, we still have three engines." Everyone stayed calm. Aboutanother hour later, another boom. The flight attendant comes over the intercom."Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown another engine, but there is no need to worry!We still have two more engines to go!" The people stayed calm. An hour later, thesame situation. Now only one engine remained. Then, the Polish man stood up and saidoutloud, "Man! If this keeps up, we could be up here all day!"

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News and Politics Jokes Aviation Jokes

Why did the Canadian cross the road?
He saw some American do it on TV.

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News and Politics Jokes American Jokes

Q: Where does a bee рее?
A: At the BP station.

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News and Politics Jokes Animal Jokes

Q: What's a native of Paris called?
A: A parasite.

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News and Politics Jokes

Q: What do you call 20 corrupt politicians face down in the ocean?
A: A good start.

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What's the highest position in the Greek Navy?
Rear Admiral!

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News and Politics Jokes

A little Native American boy asks his chief how babies in their tribe get their names.
The chief replies, "When a baby is born, the father takes him outside of the teepee, holds him over his head, and names him after the first thing he sees - like 'Running-Wolf' or 'Flying-Cloud'. Why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Sсrеwing?"

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Three explorers were hiking through a vast forest that would eventually become Canada.
"You know," said the first explorer, "we should name this vast forest we're hiking through."
"I know," said the second explorer. "We'll each pick a letter and then make a name out of that."
"Good idea," said the third explorer. "You go first."
"Okay," said the first explorer. "C, ay."
"My turn," said the second explorer. "N, ay."
Unfortunately, before the third explorer could choose a letter, a bear jumped out of the trees and killed and ate all three explorers. Eventually, some guy came along and named the country after his aunt.

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News and Politics Jokes

An infamous killer is on death row, and he is allowed one last meal an hour before he dies.
He asks if he can have his favorite food, which is Mexican, and the guards give him whatever he wants.
An hour goes by, and it is time for him to go. One of the guard asks if he had any last words.
The guy replies, "Yeah...pull my finger."

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News and Politics Jokes

Q: What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
A: Hose A and Hose B

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