Newest jokes - Page 295

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

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A boy tells his friend that he has a crush on his teacher.
The second boy says, ‘Man, that is disgusting.’
The first boy says, ‘What?
Everyone has a crush on their teacher.’
The second boy says, ‘Yeah, but you’re home-schooled.’

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School Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A third age Scotsman was waiting for his son to return from his first date. Finally, he arrived after midnight.
"Were you worried, father?"
"Yes, I was really worried... I want to know how much did that date cost you..."
"It cost me only four euros!"
"Hmm, it's not that much."
"I know father... But the girl didn't have any more money..."

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Money jokes Old People Jokes Scottish Jokes Dating Jokes

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just beat the room for being black.

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Ethnic and Racial Jokes Police Officer Jokes Light bulb jokes Black People Jokes

Customer: Could you please call me a cab?
Little Johnny: OK... "You're a cab."

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Little Johnny Jokes Customer service jokes

Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip

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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Science jokes

One day a priest told the Mother Superior that he was going into town and try to convert some ladies of the evening.
Later off he went and drove to a certain part of town known for the ladies of the evening.
The first one he approached asked him before he had a chance to say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10"
He was clueless and embarrassed and left quickly.
He approached another young woman and again before he could say a word she said "heh Father, how about a little head for 10?"
Again he left quickly and returned to the convent.
Once back he saw Mother Superior and quietly took him aside and whispered Mother Superior "what's head?"
She replied "$10.00 same as in town."

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Religion jokes Money jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Priest Jokes Communication Jokes Priest Jokes

Priest: Kim, do you take Kanye to be your lawfully wedded husband to love and cherish?
Kim: I..
*Kanye grabs mic*
Kanye: She do.

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Priest Jokes Music and Musician Jokes Priest Jokes

A one dollar bill met a twenty dollar bill and said, "Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much."
The twenty answered, "I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for awhile, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff. How about you?"
The one dollar bill said, "You know, same old stuff… church, church, church." essories for it.

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Money jokes Church jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Yo mama so dumb, she thought General Motors was in the army.

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Military Jokes Yo Momma Jokes

Q: Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?
A: He was destroying his calves.

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Animal Jokes Fitness jokes

A mouse and an elephant are walking through the forest.
The elephant falls in a hole so the mouse gets his Porsche throws a rope down into the hole and pulls the elephant out.
So they continue walking and the mouse falls into a hole.
The elephant throws his diск into the hole and the mouse climbs out.
Moral of the story: if you have a big enough diск you don't need a Porsche.

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Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes Dirty jokes

Some love one,
Some love two.
I love one,
That is you.

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Funny Poems Flirt jokes Love Jokes

Why does a реnis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.

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Men vs Women Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes

Rita is complaining to her friends about her husband's extreme dedication to his new job.
You see, Rita's husband has been jobless for quite a while.
She tells her friends, "I appreciate the fact that at last he's found a new job, but I don't like him taking his work home and finishing it in our bedroom."
"Why, what's his new job?"
"He's an embalmer."

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Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes

They were three men discussing how to make their wives to tell them if they cheated on them.
The first guy says: "I go home after work at night, lie on the couch, turn on the television and ask: 'Woman you cheated on me today!'
'Who, me my husband? Could I ever do such a thing?'
Pissed off as I am, I get up, put her down, punch her and in the end she can’t take it anymore and admits: 'I cheated on you with Nick…'"
The secong guy says: "I do exactly the same thing. I punch her and finally she says: 'I cheated on you with Jake…'"
The third guy says: "I have no problem at all. I go home, undress, put the sweat pants on, light my cigarette on, I go out to the balcony, see the neighbor spreading clothes and shout at her: 'Mary! You are a whоrе!'
And then she starts saying: 'I’m a whоrе? Or your wife who sleeps with John, Mark, Peter…!'"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Men jokes Military Jokes Cheating Jokes

"Backspace key"... hiding feelings since ages.

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Technology Jokes

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours.
I sure would like a piece of cake after though!
Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!"
Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"
Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing first!"

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Office and Work Jokes Little Johnny Jokes Dad Jokes

A woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

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Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Money jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Psychology and Psychiatry Jokes

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to commit suicide," she says. While he doesn’t want to appear insensitive, he also doesn’t want to miss an opportunity, so he asks, "Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a kiss?" She does, and it is a long, deep, lingering kiss. After she's finished, the tough, hairy biker says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I’ve ever had! That's a real talent you’re wasting. You could be famous. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl…"

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Dirty jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes Sexist Jokes Cyclist Humor

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