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Latest Jokes

No english dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the two words, COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Some people say there is no difference, but there is:
When you marry the right woman you are COMPLETE!
When you marry the wrong woman you are FINISHED!
And if you marry a wife who likes shopping you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

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Men jokes

When you take shit on the carpet and watch one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet to clean it up pathetic

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Animal Jokes

- Grandpa, do you still have SЕX with grandma?
- Yes but just оrаl.
- What is оrаl s*x?
- I say "fuск you", she says "fuск you too"!

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Jokes

A drug dealer never consumes

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Social Network Jokes

I am gonna lose weight.
I'm gonna exercise everyday.
I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it ...
Is that a cake?

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Food Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes

Everybody are talking about soul, but look at the аss.

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Men vs Women Jokes

- Hmm, Your case is quite complicated.
- Why doctor? What happened?
- You got a disease from a chapter which i left as optional during my studies.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes

What is the object oriented way of getting rich?
"Inheritance."

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Programmer Jokes

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing and I asked if they were gаy. They quickly arrested me.

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Police Officer Jokes

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet.
I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Internet Jokes

Pilot: The plane is about to crash! Quick, make your last call to say your last words!
Guy: Ваве, I'm so sorry, I cheated on you.
Girl: WHAT!???
Pilot: Oops, nevermind, the plane is back in control!
Guy: CRASH THE FUСКING PLANE DАММIТ.

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Aviation Jokes Pilot Jokes

"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Deport him and you never have to feed him again. Amen."
Donald Trump 20:1-7

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Donald Trump Jokes American Presidents Humor

First day at school be like ...

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School Jokes

Just because I can't sing, doesn't mean I won't sing

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Kids Jokes

One of those days when the nature is amazing and people suck

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Jokes

I'm not great at math.
But adding alcohol and subtracting feelings solves most of my problems..

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Drinking and Drunk Jokes

Did you know?
We sleep because the simulation running Earth doesn't have the processing power to run all creatures at once

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Technology Jokes

Due to company password policy we will be requiring all staff with a new iphone to have their face surgically altered every 90 days

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Jokes

- Why do you want this job?
- I've always been passionate about not starving to deadth

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Dark Humor Jokes

Girls are not complicated. Seriously.
How hard is to say "you're pretty" and give us chocolate?

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Men vs Women Jokes