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Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy". I call my dog "Sеx".
Now, Sеx has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sеx. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sеx since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sеx. He said that every room in the place was for sеx. I said, "You don't understand, Sеx keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered Sеx in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sеx entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sеx on television." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sеx before I got married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sеx had left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night Sеx ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sеx..."
My case comes up on Friday...
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One night in the bar, the owner is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays.As he moans to some of the regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and wearing glasses wanders over and says, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. I'm a doctor at the lunatic asylum up the road and I'm trying to integrate some of the more sane individuals into the community. Why don't I bring some of my patients along, say next Tuesday. You'll have some customers and my patients will have a night out."Well, the publican isn't sure but the thought of more paying customers on a quiet night appeals, so he agrees.So, the following Tuesday the guy in the tweed jacket and glasses shows up with about ten lunatics.He says to the publican, "They might try to pay for their drinks in unusual ways, please just accept whatever they give you, put it all on a tab and I'll settle up at closing time."The barman has a great time selling loads of drinks and encouraging the loonies to eat сhiрs and peanuts. The loonies have a great time, getting drunк and paying for their drinks with empty Coke cans, banana peels, used tea bags and plastic shopping bags.At closing time the barman adds up the bill and it comes to just over two hundred dollars! The guy with the glasses and the tweed jacket starts to organize the loonies ready to take them back to the asylum. Finally he comes over and asks for the bill. The publican, feeling that he's charged them rather a lot and feeling he should do his bit to help these poor unfortunate people gives him a discount."Let's call It $150," he says.The guy in the tweed jacket smiles and says, "That's fine. Have you got change for a garbage can?"
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