Jokes about Banks and Bankers

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Where do fish keep their money?
In a river-bank!

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Banker Jokes

You know you had a good night when your first call the next morning is from the bank making sure your card wasn’t stolen.

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My bank loves me.
They told me my credit card balance is outstanding.

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Banker Jokes

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?”
The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.”
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank?”
The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”

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What did the football coach say when he went to the bank?
- “I want my quarter back.”

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After reading the complicated instructions for the automatic teller, the confused customer walked over to a bank officer. “Excused me,” said the customer, “but I was wondering if you could help me out.” “Certainly,” smiled the officer. “Go right through that door.”

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In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal.
He answered:
"Where?"
The country went bankrupt.

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Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him:
"Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?"
Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."

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Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up

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Banker Jokes

A guy is bankrupt so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can.so the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A рrоsтiтuте walks by and says I’ll f–ck you for $10. The boy says I would but I don’t have any money. She says ok I’ll take the duck instead. He says ok so they go up stairs and f—ck. The рrоsтiтuте says that’s the best sеx I’ve ever had. I’ll give you the duck back and we can do it again. So they do and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says well I got a f—ck for a duck, a duck for a f—ck, and $25 for a f—cked up fuск.

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TO MY WIFE: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.

TO MY BANKER: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.

TO MY NEIGHBOR: My clown suit. He'll need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

TO THE ASCS: My grain bin. I was planning to let them take it next year anyway.

TO THE FARM ADVISER: 50 bushels of corn to see if he can hit the market. I never did.

TO THE JUNK MAN: All my machinery. He's had his eye on it for years.

TO MY UNDERTAKER: A special request. I want six implement and fertilizer dealers for my pallbearers. They're used to carrying me.

TO THE WEATHERMAN: Rain, sleet and snow for the funeral please. No sense having good weather now.

TO THE GRAVEDIGGER: Don't bother. The hole I'm in should be big enough.

TO THE MONUMENT MAKER: For the epitaph:
"Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."

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a blonde a brunette and a redhead are robbing a bank. the police are soon after them so they hide in a bunch of barrels. the police arrive and search the area, they come over too the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it, the brunette says “woof”. “oh, it’s just a dog” says the police officer and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. the redhead says “meow”, “oh it’s just a cat” says the officer then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden the blonde says “potato”

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The IRS came to this mans house one day and told him to come in the next morning to talk about all the money thats been coming in and out of his bank account. So the man though maybe I need to get a lawyer. So he and his lawyer get to the IRS’s office and sit down and the agent said there has been a large amount of money flowing in and out of your account and we wanted to know if you knew anything about it. The man says yes I do, I’m a gambler. The agent says you gamble with that much money. He man says yes, I’ll give you an example. Alright I bet you 5,000$ that I can bite my left eye. Agent says alright deal. The man takes out his fake eye and bites it. Then the agents says that not fair. The man says I’ll let you get your money back or even more, I bet you 7,500$ I can bite my right eye. He agents thinking I didn’t see him come in with a guide dog or a stick so the agent says deal. The man takes out his false teeth and bites his right eye. The agent then says that’s not fair. The man replies alright I have another one, your down 12,500$ I’ll bet you 15,000$ if you put that waste basket on the other side of the room I can stand by your desk and рiss across the room into the waste basket and not get a drop anywhere. The agent says that’s impossible you’ve got a deal. The man starts peeing and pees all over his desk and the agent says I got you, he’s laughing and happy that he final beat him, but then the lawyer has his hand on his face and the agent asked what’s wrong with you and the lawyer replies the man bet me 100,000$ he could рiss on your desk and you’d just love it.

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