Chocolate Jokes

No woman will ever be truly satisfied on Valentines day because no man has a chocolate реnis wrapped in money that еjасulатеs diamonds.

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Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I'd love to spread them!

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Dirty jokes Food Jokes Sex Jokes Flirt jokes Chocolate Jokes

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.
So far today, I have finished two bags of сhiрs and a chocolate cake.
I feel better already.

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

An old man and a young man work together in an office.
The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his сriме.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
"Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

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Old People Jokes Office and Work Jokes Gross Jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Chocolate Jokes

A little boy was taken to the dentist. It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled.
"Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Dentist Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.

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Dirty jokes Food Jokes Men jokes Sex Jokes Chocolate Jokes

This elderly couple is sitting on a park bench in front of a large pond.
On the other side of the pond are vendors sell all types of food stuff.
The wife turns to hubby and says, "I could really go for an ice cream cone."
Hubby replies, "Well, I'll go get you one."
Wife says, "But, you'll forget, you better write it down."
Hubby replies, "No I won't; what do you want?"
Wife says, "Get me a strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles."
Hubby replies, "Okay, strawberry cone with chocolate sprinkles. See, I'll remember.
Several hours pass and, finally, the hubby returns.
The wife asks him, "What took you so long, did you get lost?"
The hubby replies, "No, and I got what you wanted."
The wife opens the bag to discover a cheeseburger and fries!
Wife says, "I knew you you should have written the order down."
Hubby says, "What do you mean - every thing is there."
To which the wife replies, "No, it's not... look, you forgot the pickles!"

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Food Jokes Old People Jokes Chocolate Jokes

First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?”
Second soldier: “No way, Jose!”
First soldier: “Whyever not?”
Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”

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Military Jokes Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown соw?
A: To get chocolate milk.

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Blonde Jokes Animal Jokes Chocolate Jokes Stupid Jokes

A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool.
He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae.
“Crushed nuts?” asked the server.
“No,” he answered.
“Bad knees.”

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Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Life is like a box of chocolate.
It doesn't last long for fат people.

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Chocolate Jokes Fat Jokes Life Jokes

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.
The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."
The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".
The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"
"No" says the boy, "he minded his own fuскing business."

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Kids Jokes Men jokes Business jokes Old People Jokes Chocolate Jokes Grandparent Jokes

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors.
When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Сhrisт?"
"You mean J.C?", responds the alien.
"yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".
Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"

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Religion jokes Chocolate Jokes Christian Jokes Communication Jokes Alien Jokes

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,
"Take only one. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
One child whispered to another, "Take all you want.
God is watching the apples."

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Kids Jokes School Jokes God Jokes Food Jokes Catholic Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
A: 100. One to make the batter and 99 to сrаск the shells on the M&Ms.

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Blonde Jokes One-Liner Jokes Chocolate Jokes

- You can GET chocolate.
- Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft.
- You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
- You can have chocolate in in public.
- If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind.
- The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
- You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
- No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate.
- Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
- You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
- You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
- Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.

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Food Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Chocolate Jokes

The Dove Bar's like an 80-pound wаd of chocolate on a toothpick.
If you're not careful when you take it out of the package, you'll snap your wrists.

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Food Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viаgrа?
A: Oooh - Henry!

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Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes Dirty jokes Viagra jokes Chocolate Jokes

Q: What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?
A: Chocolate-chip cookie d'oh!

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Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Chocolate Jokes

Yo' Mama is so fат, she bleeds chocolate milk.

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Yo Momma Jokes Chocolate Jokes Fat Jokes