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Christmas Jokes

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Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy were all real at one time... then they met Chuck.
There can only be 1 living legend.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Christmas Jokes Easter Jokes
Q: Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?
A: Because Santa had said, "No L!"
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Christmas Jokes
Малко момченце пише писмо до Дядо Коледа: Дете: Желба A little boy wrote to Santa ... Α letter to santa Claus Un bambino a babbo natale: Малко момченце писало на Дядо Коледа: "Изпрати ми сестричка!". Маленький хлопчик написав Діду Морозу: Dziecko do świętego Mikołaja: - Przyślij mi na święta braciszka. Święty Mikołaj do dziecka: - To przyślij mi przed świętami swoją mamusię. Un enfant écrit au Père Noël : - Cher Père Noël, pour Noël, mon voeu le plus cher serait d'avoir une petite soeur. Réponse du Père Noël : - Pas de problème, envoie-moi ta mère! En gang skrev en lille dreng til julemanden ”Gider du være sød og give mig en lillesøster?”. Så skrev julemanden tilbage ”Okay, lån mig lige din mor” Boy - "dear Santa, for xmas, I would like a baby brother." Santa - "Send me your mother." Bambino: “Caro Babbo Natale, come regalo quest’anno mandami un fratellino”. Babbo Natale: “Caro bambino, mandami tua madre”. Bulişor îi scrie lui Moş Crăciun: - Anul asta, să-mi trimiţi un frăţior! De Crăciun, Bulişor nu primeşte nimic. Supărat, îi scrie din nou lui Moş Crăciun: - De ce nu mi-ai trimis frăţiorul? Anul... Bula, la 5 ani ii trimite scrisoare mosului de Craciun: ,,Draga Mosule, vreau sa am un fratior mai mic'' Mosul o citeste, si ii trimite lui Bula o alta scrisoare: ,,Atunci trimite-mi-o pe mamica ta!'' Un copilas ii scrie lui Mos Craciun: - Trimite-mi un fratior Mos Craciun raspunde: - Trimite-mi-o mai intaii pe mata. Pepíček píše Ježíškovi „Pošli mi sestřičku“. On odpovídá „Tak mi pošli maminku.“ Toto écrit au Père Noël : - «Cher Pere Noel, Cette année, ce que je voudrais, c'est une petite soeur. Toto» Il reçoit une réponse quelques jours plus tard : - «Cher Toto, Pas de problèmes,... Му пишало некое дете на Дедо Мраз „Дедо Мраз те молам прати ми сестричка". Дедо Мраз му пишал "Ок, прати ја мајка ти"
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says:
"Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas."
Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
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Christmas Jokes Kids Jokes Holiday Jokes
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fат guy in the suit gets all the credit.
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Christmas Jokes Office and Work Jokes Fat Jokes Holiday Jokes
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
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Christmas Jokes Music and Musician Jokes
A school bus driver stopped the vehicle to take little George out.
The kid opened the door and saw his grandmother reaching her hands to grab him.
The driver though, to make sure that that person is really a family member, asks the kid.
"Is this really your grandmother?"
"Yes. She visits every Christmas!"
"Very good! And when she stays at he rest of the year?" the driver insists.
"At the airport!," says the kid and continues, "Whenever we feel like, we go there and we take her home..."
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Christmas Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Aviation Jokes Grandparent Jokes
It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. "What is that?" he asked. She said, "I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo 'Merry Christmas,' and on the inside of the other one they tattooed 'Happy New Year.'" Perplexed, he asked, "Why did you do that?"
"Well," she replied, "now you can't complain that there's never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!"
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Christmas Jokes Jokes about Women Sex Jokes Holiday Jokes
Chicken to turkey:
"Only Thanksgiving and Christmas? You're lucky, with us it's any Sunday."
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Animal Jokes Food Jokes Christmas Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Sick and Death Jokes
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven't seen for 20 minutes.
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Christmas Jokes Office and Work Jokes Partying and Bad Behavior Jokes
Мешање Weihnachten und Silvester verwechseln Pourquoi les programmeurs mélangent toujours Noël et l'Halloween ? - Parce que DEC 25 = OCT 31 (25 décimales (dec), équivalent à 31 octets (oct),), Warum verwechseln Mathematiker Weihnachten und Halloween? How come legacy programmers get Halloween and Christmas confused? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25 (Octal 31 = Decimal 25) Warum verwechseln Informatiker Halloween und Weihnachten? Oct(31) == dec(25) Proč si matfyzáci pletou Vánoce s Halloweenem? Protože DEC 25 je to samé, co OCT 31. - Kodėl programuotojai kartais maišo Helovyną su Kalėdomis? - Nes Oct 31 lygu Dec 25.
Q: Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
A: Because Oct 31 == Dec 25!
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Christmas Jokes Halloween Jokes Geek jokes
Q: What is Father Christmas's tax status?
A: Elf-employed.
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Christmas Jokes Tax jokes
Майката: - А сега миличко си намисли някакво коледно желание! - Иска ми се Дядо Коледа да донесе дрехи на всички тия бедни, голи какички, дето са в компютъра на тати Une petite fille est entrain de prier : - Cher dieu, s'il vous plaît, envoyez des vêtements à ces pauvres femmes sur l'ordinateur de mon papa.
Mother:
"Sweetie, make a Christmas wish."
Girl:
"I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those nакеd girls in papa's computer."
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Christmas Jokes Technology Jokes Sex Jokes Holiday Jokes
Zwischen den Feiertagen Zwischen Weihnachten und Silvester Ham: Hej, jeg synes du har meget pæne ben, er det i orden jeg kalder dem jul og påske? Hende: Ja? Ham: Hva’ så med at invitere mig på ferie mellem højtiderne? If Thanksgiving is your left leg and Christmas is your right leg, can I visit between the holidays? Hey girl, if your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I cum between the holidays?
If your right leg was Halloween and the other one was Christmas I would have come visit you between the holidays.
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Christmas Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Halloween Jokes Flirt jokes
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, "Nothing would make me happier than diamond earrings."
So I got her nothing.
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Christmas Jokes Birthday Jokes
An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator.
Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to fаrт.
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy соw! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."
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Christmas Jokes Men jokes Business jokes Fart Jokes
What did the homeless man get for christmas?
Nothing.
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Christmas Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Mexican jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Anti-Humor Jokes
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?
A:
"First, YULE LOGon"!
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Christmas Jokes Computer Jokes Nerd jokes
James and Neil were fortunate enough to have a season ticket to watch Manchester United.
They could not help noticing that there was always a spare seat next (A16) to them and they had a friend who would love to buy a season ticket, especially if all three could have seats together.
One half-time Neil went to the ticket office and asked if they could buy the season ticket for A16.
The official said that unfortunately the ticket had been sold. Nevertheless, week after week the seat was still empty.
Then on Boxing day, much to James and Neil's amazement the seat was taken for the first time that season.
Neil could not resist asking the newcomer, 'Where have you been all season'.
'Don't ask' he said, 'the wife bought the season ticket back last summer, and kept it for a surprise Christmas present.'
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Christmas Jokes Office and Work Jokes Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Friendship Jokes Soccer Jokes
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
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Christmas Jokes Flirt jokes Love Jokes
You might be a redneck if, Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.
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Kids Jokes Redneck jokes Christmas Jokes
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