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Computer Jokes

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Yo mama so sтuрid that when you told her the mouse on her computer was broken she took it to the vet.
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A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Car and driving jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Science jokes
Когато НАСА изпратила за пръв път човек в космоса те открили, че обикновенните химикалки (с малка съчма) не работят. Когда NASA впервые заслало американских астронавтов в космос, очень быстро выяснилось, что шариковые ручки в условиях отсутствия гравитации просто не пишут ! When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. Όταν η NASA ξεκίνησε την εκτόξευση αστροναυτών στο διάστημα, ανακάλυψαν ότι τα στυλό δεν δούλευαν σε μηδενική βαρύτητα καθώς το μελάνι δεν κυλούσε στην επιφάνεια γραφής. During the initial space flights, Nasa discovered that biro pens didn’t work under zero gravity conditions. To beat the problem, Nasa spent 6 years and $2 million in designing a pen for use in... Když NASA poslala první kosmonauty do vesmíru, zjistila, že psací pera nefungují při absenci gravitace. Vyřešením tohoto problému pověřila konzultantskou společnost. Po deseti letech a 12 milionech... När NASA började skicka upp astronauter i rymden upptäckte de snabbt att kulspetspennor inte fungerade i noll gravitation. För att lösa problemet spenderade NASA-forskare ett decennium och 12... Cind NASA a inceput trimiterea de astronauti in spatiu, s-a descoperit ca pixurile nu functioneaza in stare de imponderabilitate. Pentru a rezolva problema, oamenii de stiinta americani au cheltuit... Όταν η ΝΑΣΑ πρωτάρχισε να στέλνει αστροναύτες στο διάστημα, σύντομα διαπιστώθηκε ότι τα στυλό δεν "έγραφαν" σε 0 βαρύτητα Η ΝΑΣΑ έβαλε επιστήμονες και ξόδεψε 10 χρόνια και 12 δις δολάρια για να... Da NASA først begynte å sende opp astronater, fant de fort ut at kulepenner ikke virket når det var null gravitet. For å bekjempe dette problemet, brukte forskere på NASA et tiår og 12 milliarder...
When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space.
They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass.
Russia used a pencil.
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USA Jokes Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Russian Jokes
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.
She tells the salesman, “I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen.”
The surprised salesman replies, “But, madam, computers do not have curtains.”
And the blonde said, “Helloooo…. I’ve got Windows!”
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Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes One-Liner Jokes
Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love.
The first woman said, “My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that.”
The second woman proclaimed, “My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!”
The third woman replied, “Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it’s going to be, when I finally get it…”
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Warning!
User Error.
Kindly replace user and press a key to continue.
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Geek jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes
How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat."
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Blonde Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes One-Liner Jokes
What do you call a Scottish iPhone?
An AyePhone.
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Scottish Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Phone jokes
Life is too short to remove USB safely.
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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
Q: 0 is false and 1 is true, right?
A: 1.
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Programmer Jokes Computer Jokes Nerd jokes
A programmer had a problem.
He decided to use Java.
He now has a ProblemFactory.
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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Geek jokes Nerd jokes
A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
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Friendship Jokes Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Dating Jokes Apple and iPhone Jokes Phone jokes
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common?
A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Nerd jokes
If the box says: "This software requires Windows XP or better"
Does that mean it'll run on Linux?
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Computer Jokes Technology Jokes Geek jokes Nerd jokes
"Have you got the address of the butter website?"
"Yes, but don't spread it around."
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Technology Jokes Computer Jokes Communication Jokes Internet Jokes
Whats the chemical formula of compressed liquid oxygen?
O2.zip
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Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Science jokes
Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.
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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
Computers are like air conditioners.
They work fine until you start opening windows.
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Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes
A Microsoft support technician goes to a firing range.
He shoots ten bullets at the target 50m away.
The supervisors check the target and see that there’s not even a single hit.
They shout to him that he missed completely.
The technician tells them to recheck, and gets the same answer.
The technician then aims the gun at his finger and shoots, blasting it off.
He shouts back, ‘It’s working fine here!
The problem must be at your end!’
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IT jokes Office and Work Jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Single People Jokes Boss Jokes
How many prolog programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Yes.
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IT jokes Computer Jokes Programmer Jokes Funny Riddles Light bulb jokes
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