Marriage Jokes, Family Jokes

Two blondes were talking together:
First: "How about your engaged Jim? Is he keeping well?"
Second: "He isn't just now my engaged."
First: Hi good news. His nose was too big and his head was bald with an ugly face!"
Second: "He is now my husband!"

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A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then dies. Once again, a ceremony is held, and at the end of it, the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they carry the casket towards the door, the husband cries out, “Watch that wall!”

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly.
Today I’m putting a cockroach in the bathroom.

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Marriage and Family Jokes One-Liner Jokes Superhero Jokes

When God created the donkey, he said:"You’ll work day and night, and you’ll carry in your back heavy baggage. You’ll eat grass and you’ll have low IQ. You’ll be living for 50 years."
"But my God, 50 years is a lot of time for that kind of life! Give me only 30."
And so it happened.
Then, God created the dog:"As a dog, you’ll guard man’s property and you’ll be his staunch/loyal friend. You’ll eat their left overs and you’ll be living for 25 years."
"Oh, Mighty God. This kind of life is unbearable. Give me only 10 years to live, please."
And so it happened.
Then, God created the monkey:" You’ll jump around, tree to tree, and you’ll act like a fool so people can be entertained by you. You life will last 20 years."
"No, God, please! Don’t let me suffer for that long. Give only 10 years to live."
And so it happened.
Last, God created the Man:"You’re a Man. You’re the only sensible being on the planet earth. You’ll use your inteligence to dominance the other creatures. You’ll be in charge. You’ll life will last 20 years."
"But my one and only God, 20 years is not too long to achieve my goal. I beg you to give me the donkey’s 20 years, dog’s 15 years and monkeys 10 years."
And so it happen.
Since then men lives for 20 years as a man.
Then, he gets married and works as a donkey for 20 years by carrying heavy baggage night and day.
He haves children and lives as a dog, guarding the house and his property, eating family left overs.
And when he grows old, he lives like a monkey.
He’s his grandchildren entertainer by acting fool!

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Pet Jokes Office and Work Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes God Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes

A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong diск in future you have to eat more walnuts."
Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"

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Dirty jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Dad Jokes Communication Jokes

You know you're a redneck when your mom, dad, aunt, and uncle are two people.

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Redneck jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

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Marriage and Family Jokes Jokes about Women Men jokes

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.

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Military Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Computer Jokes Aviation Jokes Communication Jokes Phone jokes Boss Jokes

A logician's wife is having a baby. The doctor immediately hands the newborn to the dad.
His wife asks impatiently: "So, is it a boy or a girl" ?
The logician replies: "yes".

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Programmer Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Medical and Doctor Jokes Dad Jokes Math Jokes Baby Jokes

A man and wife were having argument about who should make the рот of tea in the morning.
The wife told him that he should do it because he gets up first.
The husband said that she was in charge of the cooking in the house, making it her job.
The wife said that even the bible says that the man should do it.
The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it.
She fetched the bible and opened up the new testament, showing him at the top of several pages that said "Hebrews".

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Marriage and Family Jokes Office and Work Jokes Men jokes Bible Jokes Communication Jokes

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said:
“Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.”
“I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Old People Jokes Dentist Jokes Gynecology Jokes

Three Belizean couples are dining together. Joe says to his wife: "Pass me the honey, Honey".
Daniel says to his wife: "Pass me the sugar, Sugar".
Then Jaime says to his wife: "Pass me the steak, Dumb соw"

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Marriage and Family Jokes

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis!"
I replied, "That's 15 love!"

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Sports Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes

You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate.
So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives:
moving back in with your parents.

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Parent Jokes School Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Graduation Jokes

A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Sex Jokes Baby Jokes

My wife said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before."
So I said, "Try the kitchen!"

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Marriage and Family Jokes Communication Jokes Travel and Tourist Jokes

Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !"
Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."

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Marriage and Family Jokes Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes

Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sеx with?
Anything for the family.

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Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dirty jokes Redneck jokes Sick and Death Jokes

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how sтuрid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.
He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?"
"There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was sтuрid?"

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Irish jokes Jokes about Women Marriage and Family Jokes Sex Jokes Stupid Jokes

Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
"What do you mean?"
The guy says, "You can't tell the difference?"
"Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages...
Tell you what..
Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if she finds her way back, don't fuск her."

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Medical and Doctor Jokes Car and driving jokes Gross Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes