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A man goes to see a wizard and says, "Can you lift a curse that a priest put on me years ago?"
"Maybe," says the wizard, "Can remember the exact words of the curse?" The man replies, "I pronounce you man and wife."
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Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Relationship Jokes Priest Jokes
A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday.
He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.
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Men jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Beauty Jokes Birthday Jokes Love Jokes
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
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Men jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Light bulb jokes Boss Jokes
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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School Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Genie jokes
This dudes walks into a bar and over the next couple of hours proceeds to get increasingly drunк. Suddenly he spots a guy in the corner with a group of friends and begins to verbally abuse him. "Aye you!" he shouts ."I've shagged your mom!!" The man carries on drinking trying to ignore the guy's drunken rantings. Half an hour later the drunк stands up and renews his abuse. "Aye you!" he shouts even louder this time "I shagged your mom up the аss!" The guy in the corner turns his back on him and continues talking with his friends although by now visibly irate. Half a hour later the drunк pipes up once again. "Aye you, your mom suскеd my diск!!" By now the guy in the corner has lost his cool, he stands up furiously and retorts, "For god sake Dad go home, you're embarassing me!"
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Dad Jokes God Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes
There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hеll, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging еrестiоn, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.
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Men jokes Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Sex Jokes Diet and Weight Loss Jokes Superhero Jokes
The room was full of pregnant women and their partners.
The Lamaze class was in full swing.
The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
"Ladies, exercise is good for you," announced the teacher.
Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn't hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!"
The room was very quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
"Yes?" asked the instructor.
"Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
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Men jokes Jokes about Women Sports Jokes Golf jokes School Jokes Pregnancy Jokes
So a blonde walks into a Bar at a hotel that has it on the top story and sits Down. A man in a Trench coat Leans over to her and says,"You should get this вееr" *Holds up bottle* "It allows you to do amazing things!"
At this the man stands up, jumps out the window and Flies around twice before coming back into the Building. The blonde then orders the Same вееr. She drinks it. And then Jumps out the window. And falls to her death.
The Owner of the Bar then turns to the man in the coat and says, "You know you're a real Рriск when you're drunк, Superman."
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Волшебни прозори Ο ξενος Ο σουπερμάν μεθυσμένος C'est une femme qui vient de larguer son mec На 3000-хилядния етаж на Емпайърстейт бюлдинг, в едно заведение, стои силно почерпен човек и до него сяда младеж на около 20 години. Un mec ivre entre dans un bar, en haut d'une tour de 20 étages. Un habitué bourré lui dit : A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute guy sitting at the counter. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes... Kommt ein Mann zu einer Feier im 99. Stockwerk eines Wolkenkratzers. Dort trifft er einen Mann der sagt: "Die Scwingungen dieses Gebäudes sind so gut, wenn Du da aus dem Fenster springst, stopptst du kurz bevor du aufkommst. Und dann fliegst Du wieder hoch." - "Blödsinn! Dann mach doch mal!"... This guy goes up to a bar located at the top of the Empire State Building in New York. It looks like a nice place, and he takes a seat at the bar. “This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before,” he says to the guy next to him. “Oh, really?” the other replies. “It is a nice place. It’s also... Un hombre entra a un bar situado en la azotea de un hotel y se sienta junto a otro tipo. - «¿Qué estás bebiendo?» Le pregunta al hombre que tiene a su lado.-«Cerveza mágica», contesta el otro.-«¿Si? ¿Y qué tiene de mágica? Entonces el otro se gira, da un trago a su cerveza, se tira al vacío y... Eine Bar auf einem Hochhaus, 2 Männer sitzen nebeneinander, sagt der eine zum anderen: "Weißt du was, man kann hier vom Dach hinunterspringen, ohne dass einem etwas passiert!" Der zweite: "Das... Det var en gång en amerikan som satt i en bar längst upp i Empire State Building. Då kom det in en norrman och satte sig bredvid amerikanen. Då sa amerikanen: - Jag har kommit på att om man hoppar... Er zitten twee mannen op een dak, zegt de een tegen de ander: "Ik spring hier vanaf en als ik boven de grond ben en mijn handen wapper kom ik rustig neer." "Dat geloof ik niet!" zegt de andere... Dois bêbados estavam num desses bares nas coberturas dos prédios. De repente, um falou para o outro: — Você sabia que este prédio tem uma peculiaridade muito interessante? Se eu pular daqui, existe... Un borracho que se encontraba en un bar le dice a otro borracho: Yo puedo brincar de la azotea de este edificio y rebotar. El otro borracho le dice que se lo muestre, así es que suben a la azotea y... En man kommer in i baren högst upp i en skyskrapa, går direkt fram till bardisken och beställer en dubbel vodka utan is. När han svept drinken dunkar han huvudet tre gånger i bardisken, går fram... Dos borrachos reunidos en un bar ubicado en un penthouse, están mirando por el balcón hacia abajo. Le dice el uno al otro:¡Compadre esto está muy alto! ¡sí, compadre, demasiado alto! Hagamos una... Een man loopt een cafe bovenop een wolkenkrabber binnen, bestelt een biertje en gaat zitten. Naast hem zit een man die opstaat, in het raam gaat staan en eruit springt. Even later komt hij gewoon... Sitzen zwei Männer in einer Bar im Hochhaus. Da sagt der eine zu dem anderen: "Wetten wir, das ich, wenn ich einen Spezialdrink nehme aus dem Fenster springen kann und im ersten Stock anhalten und... Mannen kom in på krogen högst upp på hotellet. Han beställde en dubbel wodka, svepte den, dunkade huvudet 3 gånger i bordet och hoppade ut genom fönstret. Efter ett tag kom han in igen och gjorde... Resulta que una señorita llamada katy(una dama de compañía) llega a una de esas fiestas para gente de mucho nivel y dinero, en el último piso de un gran hotel. Luego de un par de vueltas divisa a... Un hombre llega al bar de un gigantezco rascacielos en el último piso. Pide una bebida y le llama la atención un gradulón borracho cerca de él. Mientras lo observa el hombre se tira por la ventana... A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw.... A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the... A man walks into a sky scraper bar and takes a shot of tequila and jumps out of a window. An on looker watch’s this and is scared but what scared him most is when the same man who jumped cane back... So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, “After this last drink, I’m going to the roof to kill myself.” A guy sitting next to him says, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”, in which... Sitzen zwei Typen am Tresen in einer Kneipe oben im 8ten Stock. Meint der eine:“Du, ich zeig dir mal was ganz Verrücktes!“ Sprichts, steigt aufs Fensterbrett, springt ab, flattert eine Runde durch... Siamo a New York, e un tizio si butta giu' da un grattacielo, piroetta un paio di volte, svolazza a destra e a sinistra, ed infine atterra precisamente. Un passante vedendolo gli chiede - Ehi, ma... A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out! "Holy cow! Did you... Egy Manhatteni toronyház felső szintjén lévő bárban két férfi iszogat a bárpultnál egymás mellett. Sorra isszák a whiskeyket, mire az egyik meszólítja a másikat: - Ezt 10 whiskey után bárki... Dette finner sted i en skyskraper i New York. I toppen av denne skyskraperen ligger en bar, og opp til denne baren går en heis. En dag kommer det en mann inn i baren, går bort til disken og... Postávají dva ožralové na střeše mrakodrapu a jeden říká: „Podívej, jak jsme vysoko. Teď když skočím dolů, nic se mi nestane, protože je to takový tlak, že mě to vynese.” Druhý chlap na něj... Spring fra skyskrabere Se i USA har de jo mange skyskrabere. På sådan en helt almindelig skyskraber med mange andre skyskrabere omkring, havde de en Roof-Top bar. To mænd står i baren og drikker.... Two men are sitting in a restaurant bar at the top of a skyscraper. After each had a few drinks, one says to the other, ”I bet you didn’t know about the updrafts between these skyscrapers. They are... Τρείς μεθυσμένοι, ανεβασμένοι στην κορυφή ενός ουρανοξύστη, κοιτάνε το έδαφος 600 μέτρα κάτω και ξαφνικά λέει ο ένας: - Ρε παιδιά, αισθάνομαι τόσο καλά που νομίζω ότι θα πετάξω. Δίνει λοιπόν μια... Το πένθος...
Bar and Bartender Jokes Celebrity and Pop Culture Jokes Blonde Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Sick and Death Jokes Hotel Jokes Beer Jokes Superhero Jokes
Q: Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window?
A: Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public.
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Men jokes Dentist Jokes Prison Jokes
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died.
The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible.
All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
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Chuck Norris Jokes Men jokes Bible Jokes Catholic Jokes
Bob:
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Joe:
"To get to the idiот's house."
Bob:
"Knock knock."
Joe:
"Who's there?"
Bob:
"The chicken."
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Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Jokes Insult Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Animal Jokes Men jokes Friendship Jokes Knock-knock jokes Sarcasm Jokes
An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard, "Woman without her man is nothing." The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote, "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote, "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."
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Men jokes Jokes about Women School Jokes Double Meaning and Wordplay Jokes College jokes
A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared.
He was menacing and threatening and the entire congregation started to flee the church except for one old man.
When the church was empty the devil went up to the man and asked "aren’t you afraid of me, I’m evil incarnate, the most horrific being in the universe and will most likely torture you!"
The man replied "You don’t scare me, I’ve been married to your sister for 35 years."
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Неделна служба в църквата. She-Devil El borracho y el diablo Имало едно време един мъж, който се прибрал вкъщи много късно и много пиян всяка вечер. Еј, старецу – викнал ѓаволот. Este era un señor muy borracho, que ya se le había hecho costumbre llegar a su casa borrachísimo, su mujer muy enfadada le pone una trampa, se disfraza de satanás y se esconde detrás de un sillón para asustarlo. El tipo llega, se sienta en el sillón,... Det är i kyrkan en söndag, högmässan skall just börja, orgelmusiken ljuder från läktaren. Då plötsligt står Djävulen i egen hög person längst fram i koret och blickar ut över församlingen. Panik... One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in the tiny town ofJohnstown got up early and went to the local church. Before theservice started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews...
Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Church jokes
A police officer pulled a man over and as he approached the window he immediately drew his gun and screamed "Where's the little girl!" The man said, "What little girl?!" The officer aimed his gun and yelled again "SHOW ME THE LITTLE GIRL!!" The man now in tears and bawling said, "I SWEAR I DON'T KNOW!" The officer smiled and said, "Oh, there's the little girl."
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Полицай спира кола, шофьорът отваря прозореца, полицаят насочва пистолета и извиква:
Men jokes
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you."
"I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refuses to sleep alone."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Superhero Jokes
A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic and is ruining his family.
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Drinking and Drunk Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Dark Humor Jokes Men jokes Anti-Humor Jokes
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well.
The doctor examins him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.
The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water."
Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?"
The Doctor says, "You’re not drinking enough water."
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Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drug Jokes
A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?"
The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug all seven down almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.
"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"
The man quickly replies, "I only have a dollar."
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Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes
A blonde watching the news hears that 2 Brazilian men died in a skydiving accident. She cries and says, "Oh my god, how many is a brazilian?"
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Blonde Jokes News and Politics Jokes God Jokes Men jokes
A white man walking down a beach kicks up a lamp, with hope he rubs the lamp. Sure enough a genie pops out, and says, i will grant you 3 wishes but be warned every black person in the world will get double what you wish. After a thought he says he's got it. My first wish is i want a million dollars. Genie. your wish has been granted and every black person now has 2 million dollars. Man. Ok my second wish i want 10 thousand acres Genie.. Granted but every black person in the world now has 20 thousand acres. And now you have but one wish
The man replies with my final wish... i wish you to beat me half to death
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