Political Jokes

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Παραμύθια - Тате, всички ли приказки започват с "Имало едно време .."? - Papá, ¿Todos los cuentos comienzan con "Había una Vez"? Син питає в батька: — Тату, а це правда, що всі казки починаються словами "Жили собі дід та баба... "? — Ні, синку. Справжні казки починаються словами: "Якщо ви проголосуєте за мене на виборах... " — Pai, todos os contos de fadas começam com "Era uma vez"? — Não, filho... Tem outros que começam assim: "Quando eu for eleito..." How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era? "If elected, I promise..."
One-Liner Jokes Political Jokes
Once upon time, there were three friends playing on a beach. One kid's parents were good business people. The second kid lives in a good family where he is taught to respect his elders. The third kid was a poor redneck with an abusive father.
Anyways, they were playing on the beach when a helicopter crashed down into the water. They saw a man drowning and all raced to save him. As they pulled the man to shore they realized it was Obama. The president then said, "Thank you kids for saving me! I'll give you each one wish!" The first kid said he wanted a helicopter. The second kid wished for some money. And the redneck asked for a wheel chair. Obama, concerned, asked why the poor boy wouldn't want some money for his family. The kid replied, "'Cause when pap finds out what I've done, I ain't gonna be walking for a pretty long time."
Friendship Jokes Money jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Kids Jokes Men jokes Ethnic and Racial Jokes Old People Jokes Political Jokes American Presidents Humor
The government recently noticed that it had too many generals in the army and offered an early retirement bonus.
They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between any two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes 6 feet.
He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes 8 feet.
He walked away with a check $960,000.
When the third general was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from my index finger of the left foot to the thumb, that's it."
The pension man said that would be fine but "My God!" he said, "where is your thumb?!"
The general replied, "Back in Iraq!"
Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes God Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Political Jokes
La Mère supérieure du couvent, réveillée de bonne humeur, décide de faire le tour des cellules. A nun leaves her cell and walks along the corridor Медицинска сестра сутрин минава да види пациентите и всички и казвали: A nun woke up one morning feeling great, she got out of bed and decided to go to the kitchen for some breakfast. As she passed the young novices, Mother Superior said, "Good morning, ladies," and the novices replied, "Good morning, Mother Superior. May God be with you." But once they were past, she heard one novice say to another, "She got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." Mother Superior was... President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative foul up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell. The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork and the error was... C'est le début de la matinée dans le couvent. Deux religieuses se dirigent vers le réfectoire pour prendre le petit déjeuner. Sur le chemin, elles croisent la Mère Supérieure qui semble d'une... O Papa e o Clinton morreram e foram para o céu. No dia seguinte eles se encontram e o Papa confessa a Clinton: — Não vejo a hora de encontrar a Virgem Maria! — IIhh! Acho que agora é tarde! En nunna vaknade en vacker morgon och bestämde sig för att ta en promenad. Hon steg upp och tog på sig sina skor. När hon hade gått en stund mötte hon en annan nunna som log och sa: - Har du... Siostra Przełożona udając się na poranne modlitwy, minęła po drodze dwie młode zakonnice, które właśnie z porannych modlitw wracały. Mijając, pozdrowiła je: - Dzień dobry dziewczęta, niech Bóg... Un preot Tanar se scula de dimineata, se Imbraca, se spala si se indrepta Spre sala de mese. Pe drum, doua calugarite il Salutara si, pe urma, ii spusera discret: - Parinte, v-ati sculat...
Political Jokes Office and Work Jokes American Presidents Humor
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Tennessee, and the third is from Minnesota. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence. The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700." The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."
"Done!" replies the government official. And that, my friends, is how the new stimulus plan will work.
Friendship Jokes Office and Work Jokes Political Jokes