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Science jokes

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

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A mathematician and an engineer agreed to take part in an experiment.
They were both placed in a room and at the other end was a beautiful nакеd woman on a bed.
The experimenter said every 30 seconds they would be allowed to travel half the distance between themselves and the woman.
The mathematician said "this is pointless" and stormed off.
The engineer agreed to go ahead with the experiment anyway.
The mathematician exclaimed on his way out "don't you see, you'll never actually reach her?".
To which the engineer replied, "so what? Pretty soon I'll be close enough for all practical purposes!"

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If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my math class: it would seem so much longer.

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Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris.

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A biologist, a chemist, and a statistician are out hunting.
The biologist shoots at a deer and misses five feet to the left.
The chemist takes a shot and misses five feet to the right.
The statistician yells, "We got 'em!”

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Q: Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?
A: Classical conditioning.

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Did you hear about the new book about anti-gravity?
I just can't seem to put it down.

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Chuck Norris made Newton write 3 laws of physics just to break them... he was having a boring weekend.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Science jokes

Chuck Norris takes a meteor shower in the morning to freshen up.

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Chuck Norris Jokes Science jokes

Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.

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Q: If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?
A: H2O cubed.

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An engineer and a physicist are in a hot-air balloon.
After a few hours they lose track of where they are and descend to get directions.
They yell to a jogger, "Hey, can you tell us where we're at?"
After a few moments the jogger responds, "You're in a hot-air balloon."
The engineer says, "You must be a mathematician."
The jogger, shocked, responds, "yeah, how did you know I was a mathematician?"
"Because, it took you far too long to come up with your answer, it was 100% correct, and it was completely useless."

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Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2

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Yo mama's so fат, she's the reason why the universe is expanding.

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I came here to do 2 things: work on my math skills.

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Q: What do you do with a sick scientist?
A: Well if you can't helium and you can't curium then you might as well barium

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Chuck Norris can split the atom.
With his bare hands.

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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.
"It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

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"Shay, buddy, whats a Breathalyzer?" asked one drunк to his friend at the next barstool.
"Well, Id have to say that its a bag that tells you when youve drunк way too much," answered the equally wasted gent.
"Ah hеll, whaddya know?
Ive been married to one of those for years!"

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A team of engineers were required to measure the height of a flag pole. They only had a measuring tape, and were getting quite frustrated trying to keep the tape along the pole. It kept falling down, etc.
A mathematician comes along, finds out their problem, and proceeds to remove the pole from the ground and measure it easily.
When he leaves, one engineer says to the other: "Just like a mathematician! We need to know the height, and he gives us the length!"

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