Four mothers: German, Italian, French, and Russian are in a maternity ward ready to pick up their babies. It just so happens, the nurse doesn’t know which baby is which.
So the Italian mother walks up to a crib and takes out a slice of pizza. One of the babies moves its hands forward. “That’s mine,” says the Italian mother and picks it up.
Next, the German mother walks up and says, “Heil Нiтlеr.” Immediately, one of the babies makes a Nаzi salute and the German mother picks it up.
Next, the Russian mother walks up, doesn’t say or do anything, and just takes one of the babies.
“Hold on,” says the French mother, “how can you be so sure that it’s your baby. For all I know, it might be mine.”
“It is mine,” says the Russian mother, “When the German mother said ‘Heil Нiтlеr’, my baby made an angry face, and yours shat itself.
Here's a humorous story about a wealthy businessman as told by one of his grandchildren. Back in 1927 the businessman was bringing his wife, new baby and a nurse home from the hospital in a brand new Lincoln. As luck would have it, the car stalled on the tracks and they could hear a whistle blowing in the distance. Now, the man would rather risk his life than admit he couldn't handle any problem.
He looked at his watch and said calmly, "The 4:05 is right on time."
"My baby!" screamed his wife. "Let's get out!"
"What! And leave a $6,000 Lincoln on the tracks!" He snapped. "If you will just settle down, I'll get it started."
But nobody settled down, and the train came into view. Everyone left the car except the businessman. He leaned out the window and yelled to his wife, "Hey Ruth. In case I get killed, the key to the vault is behind the Shakespeare book in my study."
The conductor, slowing down for a stop anyway, managed to halt the train ten feet from the car.
"Dаrn!" cursed the businessman. "Now I've got to find a new hiding place for the vault key!"
A guy goes to the first aid section of the hospital. He says: ‘I’ve got 3 ваlls, could you have a look?
A nurse takes him to the examination room, checks his ваlls, and says: ‘Nope, you’ve got 2 ваlls, just like any other man’
‘Impossible’, the guy says, ‘you should look better’
The nurse checks his ваlls again for a couple of minutes and says: ‘there’s really nothing wrong’
‘Get another nurse’, the guys demands.
Another nurse joins the club and starts checking his ваlls too and says: ‘Really, I only see 2 ваlls…
The guy says: ‘Okay, perhaps I’m mistaking…’, and he walks away.
Just outside he runs into his friend who says: ‘Hey, what are you doing here?
The guy: ‘Well… I was waiting for the bus and noticed that it could take at least 1 hour for the bus to arrive. So I thought, I’m gonna have some chicks rub and touch my sack for a while…
A man 80 years of age married a young lady. A year later he carried her to the hospital, and she had a baby. The nurse said to the man:
- ”At your age, how do you do that?”
The man answered, “You just have to keep the motor running.”
Another year passes, and the man carries her back to the hospital, another baby. The same nurses said to the man and asked: ‘You are something else, how do you do that?”
He said,”I told you that you just have to keep the motor running”. Another year and back tot he hospital for another baby. The same nurse said:
- ”You are unbelievable, how do you do that?!”
He said:
- ”You go to keep that motor running.”
She answered:
- ”Well, you better change oil, because this one came out black.”