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80s Воотy Call... Digital Watch:
My digital watch has a calculator. How do you like me now?

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Q: What's the difference between Watergate and Sexgate?
A: This time we know who Deep Throat is.

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What's Snoop Dogg's favorite weather?
Drizzle!

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You go to a Heavy D concert, you will leave satisfied.
But you'll be leaving in five minutes because Heavy does two songs and he's tired.

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What do you call ghosts who scare talkshow hosts?
The Phantom of the Oprah.

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Why didn't Hannibal Lecter eat Brittany Spears?
He doesn't like artificial toppings.

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Why did Pepsi hire Britney Spears to do their commercial instead of Coke?
Because then would have had to change their slogan from "It's the real thing".

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Q: What does a good whiskey have in common with Michael Jackson?
A: It's also a seven-year-old liquor.

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He said what he did was take all of his clothes off, and he stood nакеd in front of the mirror.
I said, 'That's a dамn good diet.' I think I could lose weight, too, if I saw Barry White nакеd, huh? Like, 'You hungry?' 'No man, I just saw Barry White nакеd. I don't want nothin'.'

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Q: Why is Snow White always getting mad at the seven dwarves?
A: Because of the way they always greet her, "Hi hо, hi hо, hi hо."

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A man walks up to the whitehouse and shouts to the guard, "I'd like to speak to Bill Clinton, the President."
The guard replies, "Bill Clinton is no longer the President of the United States. George Bush is the President."
After this happens three days in a row, the guard yells in disgust, "I told you Bill Clinton is no longer the President. George Bush is the President of the United States.
The guy says, "I know. I just like hearing it!"

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Who Is God?
A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both, son, God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both, son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes, son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes later and asks, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

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Q: What's the definition of "wicker box"?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Britney Spears.

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-That comment about Elton being "twice the woman" she ever was.
-Caught Eminem fantasizing about killing other women.
-Sick of hiding her love for the Insane Clown Posse.
-Sure, he talks and raps like a black man, but when he takes down his pants...
-Recently overtaken by a strange and unfamiliar compulsion to live past the age of 35.
-I mean come on, people. . . the dude LOST TO STEELY DAN!!!
-Thanks to a recent surgery, her head's no longer implanted deep within her own rестuм.
...And The Top Reason Eminem's Wife Filed For Divorce. . .
-Sick of dating a rich, famous, abusive ваsтаrd. Would like to try a poor, unknown abusive ваsтаrd for a change.

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What did the groupie get sleeping with the entire band?
Flaming Lips!

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Ugly clothes last a long time, don't they?
You can't wear out ugly clothes. I used to just crawl to school on my knees, trying to put a hole in the jeans, man. They still built them tough - you can't wear them out.

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A toad with a yellow реnis wants to fit in with the other toads in the neighborhood, so he decides to see the local wizard.
"You'll have to go to the wizard in Kansas, because I can't help you," says the wizard.
The next day, an elephant comes in with a pink реnis and asks the the wizard to make it gray.
Once again, the wizard says, "You'll have to go to the wizard in Kansas."
"How do I get there?"
"Oh, it's easy - just follow the yellow-d**ked toad."

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There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant wishes.
"Fairy," he said. "I would like to be green, so I can play with all the other toads."
"Granted!" said the fairy, who turned him yellow. Unfortunately, his little toady реnis was still yellow.
"What about my реnis?" he asked the fairy.
"Oh! For that, you'll have to go see the wizard." And so the toad hopped off to find the wizard. Soon, a pink elephant visited the fairy, and he wished to be turned gray. She granted him the wish, but, as with the toad, his реnis was still pink. So she told him to visit the wizard.
"How do I find the wizard?" he asked.
"Just follow the yellow d**k toad."

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