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Twelve monks were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up, nudе, in a garden while a nudе model danced before them. Each monk had a small веll attached to his privates, and they were told that anyone whose веll rang would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.
The model danced before the first monk candidate, with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response until she got to the final monk. As she danced, his веll rang so loudly it fell off and clattered to the ground. Embarrassed, he веnт down to pick up the веll, and eleven other bells began to ring……

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If Noah was a Jew then why did he bring pigs with him on the boat?

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“Anyone who lives his life in accordance with a book is a fool.” John 3:11

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During a sermon one Sunday, the pastor heard two teenage girls in the back giggling and disturbing people.
He interrupted his sermon and announced sternly, "There are two of you here who have not heard a word I've said." That quieted them down.
When the service was over, he went to greet people at the front door. Three different adults apologized for going to sleep in church, promising it would never happen again.

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I was in church the other day and in the middle of a prayer the lady next to me lit up a fаg!
I was so shocked I nearly dropped my вееr.

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Q. Why did the New Zealand farmer become a Muslim?
A. Because he really loves ‘islamb.

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Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.

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A pastor told the congregation his desire to lose weight and by declaring it to them he thought it would help him meet his goal. After several weeks of taking another route past his favorite pastry shop he made the mistake of going by it on his way to the church and he showed up with a large box of tasty treats.
"What happened to your diet? asked the head deacon.
"I prayed this morning as I passed my favorite pastry shop that if the Lord wanted me to stop, to give me a sign by having a parking space open right in front of the shop. Sure enough, on the third trip around the shop there indeed opened up a free space."

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Sobering thought:
About 151,600 people die every day. That means your Judgement Day and my Judgement Day are each allotted 0.57 seconds to plead our case to our Lord.
NEXT! Keep the line moving, nothing to see over here!

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A drunк a priest and a pedofile walk into a bar….. that was just the first person!

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If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b. R. B” instead of “r. I. P”.

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Sign on church bulletin board in front of a church in a small Wyoming town...
This sunday: do you know what hеll is?
Come and hear our new organist.

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Q. What do you call the Islamic TV awards?
A. The “mosquers”

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After being homeless for a week I found a copy of the bible and it has totally changed my life.
I now have toilet paper and fire to keep me warm.

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Can’t believe how much criticism Muslims get nowadays. I think before you criticize them you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry you’ll be a mile away and they won’t have any shoes.

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Posted on the Convent Corkboard:
Bedtime Rules:
10:00 PM Lights Out
10:30 PM Candles Out

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Q. Why did the Rabbi get the sack?
A. Because he performed a circumcision without wearing his glasses.

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The bible has over 1,000 pages. In my opinion there only needs to be 1 page and it should say “DON’T BE A СUNТ!” in large font.

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