School jokes, Teacher Jokes
Johnny was at school and the teacher said,
"Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said,
"Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said,
"No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said,
"My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said,
"Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her воовs are so big she can only fasten eight."
L ittle Willie had a gambling problem. He’d bet on anything. One day, Willie’s father consulted his teacher.
The teacher said. “Mr. Gaines, I think I know how to teach Willie a real lesson. We’ll trap him into a big wager that he’ll lose.”
Willie’s father agreed to cooperate with the plan.
The next day at school, the teacher watched Willie making wagers with the other children, and she said, “Willie, I want you to remain after class.”
When the others had left the classroom, Willie walked up to the teacher. Before she could say a word, he said, ” Don’t say it, Miss Brown; I know what you’re going to say, but you’re a liar!”
“Willie!” the startled teacher said.” What are you talking about.”
“Your a fake!” Willie continued.”How can I believe anything you tell me? You’ve got this blond hair on top, but I’ve seen your bush and it’s pitch black!”
Trying to keep her cool, the teacher said, “Willie that isn’t true.”
“I’ll bet a dollar it is !” Willie challenged.
The teacher saw her chance to teach Willie his lesson.”Make it five dollars and you have a bet,” she said.
“You’re on!” Willie whipped out a five dollar bill. Before anyone could come into the room, Miss Brown. dropped her раnтiеs, spread her legs, and showed Willie that her рuвiс hair was as blond as the hair on top of her head.
Willie hung his head. “You win,” he said, handing her the fiver. Miss. Brown couldn’t wait for him to leave so she could get to a phone to call his father. She reported what had happened. “Mr. Gaines,” she said, “I think we’ve finally taught him his lesson.”
“The hеll we have,” the father muttered. “This morning Willie bet me ten dollars that he’d see your рussy before the day was over.
This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! ….
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We have all had bad dates…but this takes the cake. …
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This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays . This was on the “Tonight Show” with Jay Leno. … Jay went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. This winner described her worst first date experience.
(There is absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!)
Marilyn said it was midwinter… snowing and quite cold…and the guy had taken her skiing to Lake Arrowhead. It was a day trip (no overnight).
No, not Marilyn. They were strangers, after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte.
They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for awhile.
Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her рее beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her ski pants down and started.
Unfortunately, in the deep snow she didn’t have good footing, so she let her вuтт rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking.
All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she веnт to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car’s fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to schoolyard chain link fences immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.
Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor she answered her date’s concerns about “what was taking so long” with a reply that indeed, she was “freezing her вuтт off and needed some assistance”!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing.
She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves,they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free.
So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and рее her вuтт off the fender.
As for the Tonight Show… she took the prize hands down… or perhaps that should be “pants down.”
And you thought your first date was embarrassing ?!?!?!
Jay Leno’s comment - - - - “This gives a whole new meaning to being рissеd off”.