School jokes, Teacher Jokes

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Why don’t the Alabama cheerleaders ever play hide and seek? …
…
Nobody wants to look for them.

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The Father, passing thru the son’s college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy.
Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door.
After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. “Whaddya freakin’ want?”
“Does Jimmy Duncan live here?” asked the father.
“Yeah!” replied the voice. “Dump his dumb аrsе on the front porch and we’ll take care of him in the morning.”

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My wife was trying to be sеxy last night.
She lay on the bed licking a lollipop then she slowly started to slide it in her fаnny.
“Steady on love” I said “You’re going to need that when you cross the kids over the road for school in the morning

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A mom and dad were worried about their son not wanting to learn math at the school he was in, so they decided to send him to a Catholic school.
After the first day of school, their son comes racing into the house, goes straight into his room and slams the door shut.
Mom and dad are a little worried about this and go to his room to see if he is okay. They find him sitting at his desk doing his homework.
The boy keeps doing that for the rest of the year. At the end of the year the son brings home his report card and gives it to his mom and dad.
Looking at it they see under math an A+.
Mom and dad are very happy and ask the son, “What changed your mind about learning math?”
The son looked at mom and dad and said, “Well, on the first day when I walked into the classroom, I saw a guy nailed to the plus sign at the back of the room behind the teacher’s desk and I knew they meant business.”

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The teacher wrote on the blackboard, “I ain’t had no fun all summer.”
“Now Paul,” she said. “What shall I do to correct this?”
“Get a boy friend.” Paul replied.

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A young male virgin, a shy college freshman, was lucky enough to have a roommate who was considerably more experienced with the opposite sеx. When the bashful boy broke down and explained his predicament, his roommate offered to set him up with the campus flооzy. “Just take her out to dinner and a show, and then let nature take its course,” he explained. “This girl really knows how to go from there.” The roommate arranged the date as promised, and the freshman took the coed out for a delightful evening of dining and dancing. On the way home, he parked his car in a dark lane, broke out in shakes and a cold sweat and blurted out:
“God, I sure would like to have a little рussy.”
“I would, too,” the girl sighed. “Mine’s the size of a bucket!”

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A n instructor was sitting in his office one afternoon when an attractive, sеxy-looking lady knocked on his door.
Yes?, he replied, how may I help you? The lady said “I need to talk to you about my grade in your class.”
“Come in and have a seat,” said the instructor.
Is there anything I can do to get an “A” in your class?
“What do you mean by *anything*,” he replied.
She said “Anything!”
Anything??
She said, in her best sultry voice “I mean ANYTHING.”
The instructor got up from behind his desk, sat down beside her and whispered in her ear, “Would you study?”

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There was 2 friends that go to their high school reunion.
They got there early so they went to the bar to watch a game. eventually, one of the guys gets drunк, so the other guy walks the drunк to the reunion, they sit down. half an hour later, the hosts of the reunion do this little game, where they say something and see who has done that something. the host says:
Host:
' okay now, whos won been on TV?'
The drunк guy's friend says "this guy over here!!!"
The drunк tells him to shut up but the host is already talking.
Host:
'ohh look everybody we have a celebrity!!! c'mon up here!'
So the drunк makes his way up on the stage.
Drunk:
' hi, ever-eeverybody ma names gabriel, and i don-dont wanna say much, i've been dri-nking a bit-'
At that point, the drunк notices two girls at a table and recognizes them.
Drunk:
' i- i see twoo girls at a table,i asked them out to prom of se-senior year. AND D-DEY SED NOO!! and dey got f-fат'
One of the girls gets up and yells at the drunk
Girl:
'Your fат too!!!'
Drunk:
'i was fат in high scho-ool, i kept my figure, why couldnt you???'
#rekt

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Republicans are the true snowflakes… …
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They’re white, they’re cold, and if you put enough of ’em together they’ll shut down public schools.

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There was a question in my Biology test which asked us to, “Draw the female reproductive оrgаn.”
As the exam was progressing, I saw a girl look between her legs,
So I shouted at the top of my lungs, “Sir, she’s copying!”

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A schoolteacher asked her primary six class to construct sentences with the words: defeat, detail, defense.
There was a pause before a pupil raised his hand and said he could make a sentence with them; "The соw jumped over defense and detail went over defeat."

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“How many people on The Titanic died?” asked my teacher.
“All of them,” I said. “It happened over a hundred years ago.”

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A gossiping girl student asked another about the hot story, “Do you know why the Lady English Teacher slapped George left and right today?”
The other replied, “Ya, Lady English Teacher insisted that students should ask a question no matter how dumb it is.”
She continued, ” So George stood up, pointed his two fingers at the teacher and asked ‘Why is Вrа singular when it holds two in it’ and then pointing one finger at the teacher he asked again ‘And Раnтiеs is plural when it holds only one.”

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Hey Dad, can you pass the salt?
I don't know, son, can you pass the semester?

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The following took place in a primary school.
Teacher: Ok class put your hand up if you know anything about police officers???
*Students raise their their hands*
Teacher: You only have to put one hand up Tyrone.

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One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “реnis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day’s lesson.
The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit вiggеr. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “реnis” on the board, a little larger each time.
She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read:
“The more you rub it, the вiggеr it gets.”

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A student decides he wants to skip school one day
Student (on phone): Hello. I am calling to inform the school that my son will not be able to attend school today.
School: And who is this?
Student: This is my mom!

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“Late again,” the third-grade teacher said to little Jeffey.
“It ain’t my fault,” Miss Crabtree. “You can blame this on my Daddy. The reason I’m three hours late is Daddy sleeps without any clothes!”
Now Miss Crabtree had taught grammar school for thirty-some-odd years. So she asked little Jeffrey what he meant by that, despite her mounting fears. Full of grins and mischief, and in the flower of his youth, little Jeffrey and trouble were old friends, but he always told the truth.
“You see, Miss Crabtree, at the ranch we got this here lowdown coyote. The last few nights he done et six hens and killed Ma’s best milk goat. And last night, when Daddy heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said to Ma, “That coyote’s back again, I’m a gonna giт him!'”
“Stay back, he yelled to all us kids!” He was nакеd as a jaybird, no boots, no pants, no shirt! To the hen house he crawled, just like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that doublebarrel through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, our old black Lab, Hudson, had done woke up and come a sneakin’ up behind Daddy. Then we all looked on plumb helpless old Hudson stuck that cold nose in Daddy’s сrаск!
“Miss Crabtree, we been cleanin’ chickens since three o’clock this morning!”

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