School Jokes

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The school called me today and said,
"Your son's been telling lies".
"Well tell him he's f*cking good" I replied, "I ain't got any kids!"

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School:2+2=4
Homework:2+4+2=8
Exam: John has 3 Apple's,his train is 7 minutes early,calculate the mass of the Sun. Next question.

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For all you mothers out there today, remember that you have high school tomorrow, so don't stay up too late.

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To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things...
1) You tried your best.
2) I don't like pickles on my BigMac.

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Johnny's daddy is the principle of the school.
He saw his teacher leaving school.
Johnny:
"Hey miss where you going?"
Teacher:
"Home."
Johnny:
"Can I come with?"
Teacher:
" No!"
Johnny:
" I'm gonna tell my daddy!"
Teacher:
"Fine."
They arrive at the teachers house...
Teacher:
"Johnny i'm going to take a shower."
Johnny:
"Can I come?"
Teacher:
"No!"
Johnny:
"I'm gonna tell my daddy."
Teacher:
"Fine."
They are in the shower...
Johnny:
"Can I touch your belly button?"
Teacher:
"No."
Johnny:
"I'm gonna tell my daddy."
Teacher:
"Fine."
Teacher:
"Errr... Johnny thats not my belly button!"
Johnny:
" Thats not my finger."

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Dear Algebra,
Please stop making us find your X.
And we don't know Y either.
Sincerely,
High School Students

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Why were the tampons hiding behind the school hall? They were bunking a period

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The best 2 days of school:
The first day
The last day

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My teacher asked me the first day of school, "Are you chewing?"
I said,
"No, Chewing is probably one these exchange students, my name is Michael."

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My little sister was being made fun of at school be#ausc shes adopted so she told them, " my momma choose me. your parents are stuck with you."

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I just saw two elementary school kids having a fist fight. So as an adult I had to step in. They didn't stand a chance.

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Your so black when you go to night school they mark you absent

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Feeling dizzy and nauseous, Bill went to the doctor. “So,” said the doctor as bill sat on the examining table, “what seems to be the problem?” At once Bill shot his feet, grabbed his hat and coat, and stormed toward the door. “What’s the matter?” claimed the doctor.
“The nerve of you!” Bill snapped. “All those years of medical school, and you want me to make the diagnosis!”

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To make his class interesting, an English language teacher asked a grade 3 student to challenge him in an English test. The student wrote this word on the classroom board, SIDANDTED, and asked his teacher to explain its meaning.
The teacher looked at the word for some time and even searched for its meaning in the dictionary. After several minutes of his research, he gave up and asked his student to explain the meaning.
The student simply said, “They are my friends, Sid and Ted.”

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There was a lady going to the bathroom.
As she was on her way, 2 students followed her eagerly to ask a question.
As she was entering the bathroom one of the students asked her:
"Is this your office Ma'am?"
She answered:
"My office is the other way, this is my other office"

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Why are kindergarten teachers so optimistic?
Because every day they try to make the little things count.

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Yesterday I asked my daughter for a newspaper and she passed me an iPad because apparently newspapers are “old school”. She was right, the fly didn’t stand a chance.

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How does a teenage schoolboy propose marriage?
Your having a what!?!

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